Dear Sister Mary Ann: 1999-08-25
Mary Ann,
Most people probably do not discuss this stuff until it is too late, because it demands a discomforting level of thought to address fully and correctly. But after thinking about it a while, I’ve discovered that my answers are pretty simple, actually, though perhaps a bit verbose. So, here goes. . .
Concepts That Make Me Happy
- Good Health,
- Winter, spring, summer, and fall times,
- Times of sleep,
- Being awake,
- Dreaming,
- Computers, and ALL technology,
- Reading,
- Writing,
- Beautiful women,
- Music,
- Riding trains, busses, cars, and planes,
- Vacations,
- Working hard,
- Getting a hair cut,
- Taking a bath,
- Eating,
- Visiting friends,
- Puttering around in my office,
- Christmas decorations,
- Sadness, followed by enlightenment.
Regrets
I have no regrets. That is to say, I would not want to go back and change anything about the past. I would not even want to trade my eyes for ones that could see 20 / 20. There are no unresolved issues or hostilities within me anyone. Our parents did the best they could and I have unbounded respect and awe, for what they accomplished together, particularly in regards to us kids. Now heaven knows that I disagreed with them often. But as the years progress, I become more and more aware of their high degree of dedication to us, the sacrifices they made, how much they wanted for us all to be successful, and their kindness, even when they seemed mean and angry. And after hearing about so many dysfunctional families on the news these days with their catastrophic problems, I realize now that our family life was pretty darn good. I’ve come to view OUR childhood years as a paragon of healthy family living, all things considered. And I rejoice in the memories of back then.
Fears
I do not fear growing old, getting sick, nor even dying itself. I am comfortable with all the possible alternatives that might happen after death (at least, all the ones I’ve considered). I will be at peace meeting God in all His glory (Christianity), moving on to a new life (reincarnation), or, if it be so, simply passing away, into oblivion. Oblivion, where there is no life after death at all, where consciousness fades back into the nothingness from which it came when we were born (atheism). Not even THIS possibility frightens me anymore.
However, I DO fear dying without having experienced lasting mutual love and attraction with a good, honest, caring, and beautiful woman. I pray that someday, I will resolve this issue permanently, either by becoming involved with such a lady, or, learning new ways of seeing the issue so it becomes a NON issue. I hope that I will have the answer, one way or another, before my lungs fill with air for the last time.
Anyway, that’s enough philosophizing for now. I hope that should you survive me, you will know that I did not die with hate in my heart. Damn, I feel good ! ! !
Do you know if Joann and Kenny ever got set up on AOL? He did install a phone jack next to his computer. So now, it should be just a matter of them getting signed up.
On the computer for Mom: If you can get it to her house, I will set it up for her once I check it out and see what more she needs. When you get this computer, be sure to ask the original owners for any software licenses they might have that came with it. That way, we won’t have to purchase Windows for Mom. Or, if we do, we can get the ‘upgrade version’ which costs half as much as a full version. She really wants one by the way. She was just asking me the other day if she could buy one of mine from me. 
I told her that we’d arrange something.
On automatic spell checking on your email: Did you ever contact your ISP about this? I’ve been browsing the book stores and as of yet, have been unable to find any documentation on Eudora.
Later.