Why I Write
Dear [Susan],
I write to help people looking make romantic connections, by finding their way through their fears of meeting potential mates.
This does not mean to ignore fear. People drink to excess to calm their nerves around strangers. Pop psyche today seems to suggest that social anxieties are irrational, and attempts to numb them with antidepressants, combat them with expensive and lengthy therapy, and crush them by preaching attitudes of defiance, as though fear is some sort of enemy. “Feel The Fear, And Do It Anyway” is a popular book by Susan Jeffers. But I disagree. People, particularly aggressive men, take that idea too literally. They drink to the point that they don’t feel the fear anymore, and as a result become obnoxious and troublesome (and even dangerous) to women.
I suggest that people would be better off if they actually listened to their anxieties and walked away from stressful social situations, instead of forcing themselves to press on. Fear, in my view, is a person’s best friend. It keeps him out of trouble and is a convenient warning signal whenever he’s thinking of doing something that is wrong in some way. Fear helps keep us on the moral high ground if we listen. Not enough people listen.
A funk song in 1980 said, “Don’t push it, don’t force it, let it happen naturally.” This idea Is a central theme in my current short story, which so far, is 11,000 words and rising. When things are right… when things are really, and truly right, the fear disappears on its own, without alcohol, without therapy, and without spending thousands of dollars on self-help books which for the most part don’t work anyway. I believe people have the wrong ideas about fear these days, and with my work, hope, in some small way, to help correct them.
There, how’s that?
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Tom Hesley