Tommy’s Tunes Status
The DJ business has not taken off . Neither has the writing business for that matter. I am a very shy person, and often dread the microphone and public performing. God, that just terrifies me. I’ve done twenty to twenty-five gigs now, and the mic fright seems as strong now as it was during my debut performance in 2002. Plus, now that I don’t drink, I can’t rely on alcohol to quell that fear. I was somewhat good on the mic while slightly toasted. But alcohol is not the answer though it did work after a fashion. I haven’t learned in these past two years what I must to make this performance anxiety more manageable. So, do I want to keep pursuing the DJ business knowing that I might never be comfortable doing it?
I like the behind-the-scenes tasks like programming the computer, adding new music, making audio cables, and such. It’s nice having the searchable music library of MP3 files. And, honing my software development skills really gives me a rush. I just don’t enjoy the public side of it – the mic, worries that equipment may fail during a high-profile performance, and then dealing with irate customers. At JL’s wedding, my own family complicated that show by repeatedly intervening to change the schedule of events, a schedule which JL and I had developed for weeks prior. That bugged me. Part of this may be an addressable weakness in me, though I know not how to address it. So I’m still uncertain about the DJ business. I may not want to continue Tommy’s Tunes Disc Jockey Services.
On the other hand, I like having lots of computers around and being able to afford them. If I keep doing what I’ve been doing (which in the business world, amounts to essentially nothing), than my buying power will fail in the next several years. Si I need to do something. DJing or writing, DJing or writing,…
I’m neither excessively smart or capable. My vision, or the insecurity that stems from it, interferes in any pursuit I try. A lot! Plus, the absense of a loving woman in my life gets in the way too. All these unanswered questions, all these things that I’ve not made definitive choices about, all of it haunts me in my dreams.
Perhaps I’ll give the DJ business one more year. But drumming up business doesn’t interest me. So I might just let it ride, for I’m just not motivated to do that. DJing just isn’t going to cut it long term.
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Tom Hesley