Mentat’s Irrational Belief
Dear [Mentat],
Onward. Yes, I have the real long version of Lay Down by Melanie. She had some gospel group singing in that with her. Maybe it was the Edwin Hopkins Singers, who did that song: Oh Happy Day.
Yes, I have much low frustration tolerance to eliminate from my psyche. Unfortunately, the past is like a cancelled check. It can’t be changed and will always be in our heads. I suppose that in the present, we can control how weu think of the past and what conclusions we draw from it. But it is what it is. So there’s no point in regretting it. If we like the people we are today, then we should embrace that past because through it, we got to where we are in life today.
You remember that Star Trek: The Next Generation episode where Q gave Picard a chance to go back and change his past, and how those changes impacted his present life. Picard didn’t like the man he became when he didn’t fight with the Naussican, and told Q that he’d rather die as the man he was, than to live the life that resulted from his more benevolent handling of the Naussican.
One more thing: This may sound obvious. But people start out life with different advantages and short-comings. How many people, in just one generation do you think, actually live the rags-to-riches story we so often read in books and watch on TV, where they start life without benefit or property, and end it with a dynasty at their beck and call? Not many. Oh there are a few perhaps. Dolly Parton. Booker T. Washington, and Bill Gates. [However,] many of society’s great performers and highly effective people came from families where such good fortune has reigned supreme for several generations. They don’t invent anything. They’re just continuing a long-running tradition. Know what I mean? Who was it? Newton or Einstein that said that he was able to see all the trees in the forest because he was standing on the backs of giants. Most of us aren’t lucky enough to have a great giant to stand on. Many are lucky to even have a mentor to occasionally show us the way. That giant of privileged upbringing seems to elude most of us. Nonetheless, we should not discount it’s importance in the lives of those who we feel are more savvy at the game of life than we ourselves are.
Now to your irrational belief as you call it. The truth is that some people master a discipline with very little effort, and others must struggle to do it. I’ve witnessed this at work time and time again. Still others can’t do it at all. Your irrational belief may be wrong in certain scenarios. But it’s right in others. Only you can decide whether you’re reaching too far or not far enough as you pursue new skills. Gently push yourself, yes. But don’t slave-drive your mind and body too much.
I would say though that the vision impairment we share tends to confine us to lives of hard work and struggle, but with relatively little accomplishment. I’m speaking very generally here. So don’t take offense.
Lower achievement than our peers is a hallmark of the handicapped existence I believe. Is that an irrational belief? The question is: How much of your life do you want to devote to beating the odds? It’s noble to try and excel. The quest can be most enlightening and enriching. But if such an effort is so sapping that we can’t enjoy our lives, and all we do is work work work, then perhaps a bit of humility is in order. I sure was humble the day I resigned from my job in 2003, for I could not escape the gaping question: Why had I been struggling so hard to excel? What was it really getting me, besides a fat wallet and lots of enemies in the workplace? Not a whole lot. It didn’t bring women to my bed often enough to make the sacrifices worthwhile.
I believe people should challenge themselves to a moderate degree, sure, but not to the point where the effort ages them prematurely and in their obsessive quest for power and money they forego real personal growth, the kind obtained only through consistent and repeated introspection. The point of all this: Don’t be too hard on yourself about your irrational belief, because it’s not completely irrational. Work to eliminate its irrational parts, but, just as importantly, learn to accept its rational parts. More about this when we next talk on the phone.
In my life, I’ve come to believe that the anxiety I feel when approaching attractive women is a quite-rational response and it is no longer my mission to overcome it. I don’t see it today as the excluding force that keeps women out of my life. My anxiety is my friend. We’ve touched on this in other talks, but my thinking on it has significantly advanced from the last time we did. I’ll tell you all about that when we talk live.
I’ve got to go for now. Thanks for writing, and I’ll talk to you soon.