Yesterday upon his arrival here for a weekend visit, [Memtat] informed me that he may move away again in the next six to nine months; this time to be with his girlfriend of several years now. The news stung a little because he’s probably the closest male friend I have, and best friends don’t come easily to me. It seems like just last week, that he returned home from California. Actually he came back at the end of 2007. Since then, he’s established a nice residence and has managed to acquire some nice furniture.
But his lady wants him to live with her in Ohio now, and they’ve both determined that it would be easier for him to move there than for her to come here. She doesn’t want to sell her house because she probably could not afford a comparably-sized dwelling here. So she’d need to throw away or sell off many cherished possessions. I’ve been through that myself, when I returned to Pennsylvania from Ohio in 1997, and so can appreciate her dilemma.
On the other hand, [Memtat] is far more agile in this way, as he owns far less than does she, and so, it would make more sense for him to relocate to her place, as he’ll be able to move without pitching anything, or at worst, just a very small amount — perhaps a bed and dresser. Thus, moving there would cost the two of them much less money than for her to relocate here.
I understand his rationale. He does really seem to love her and he’s tired of busing it out there several times a year, not to mention being away from her so much of the time besides. I’m happy that he’s found someone like that, and a bit envious too because five years ago, he and I debated over how a guy needs a true love in order to be truly happy. Ironically, he argued that he could get along without such a woman, and in fact, he was striving at that time to rid himself of his carnal woman-lusts and yearnings. I told him though that I didn’t think that I could ever learn to be completely happy alone. In fact, I found the whole idea of attempting to “program away” one’s inborn desires for the opposite sex, to be repugnant and a monumental waste of time.
But, today, nature, destiny, and love have turned him around, and he now enjoys the very sort of person that I argued back then that most of us need. He agrees with me now, he’s found her in fact, and I am truly happy for him. Any objections I might have to his leaving are purely selfish ones. I had hope upon his return to Tyrone that he and I might develop our friendship more, and spend more time together than we have. But his romance was just getting started then, and with him spending so much sojourning in her city, he and I never got to hang out nearly as much as I would have liked. And now, he’s becoming long-distance once again besides, though he assures me that I’ll probably see him more once he lives with her, because he’ll come back here for visits more frequently than he did while living in Pasadena.
I hope that’s true because he’s one of the few people that gets nearly every position I’ve shared with him. Further, while he may not agree with all I say, he relentlessly endeavors to understand and appreciate the grains of truth in my words, though there may be very few of these at times, I admit. For me, it easy to see the truth in his arguments as he expresses them so simply and thus, so well. He’s quite knowledgable and so I need explain very little to him in our talks to bring him up to speed, and our intellectual discussions never degenerate into personal judgements and acrimony. Through some at times painful personal growth in each of us, our friendship has matured over the past four decades to the highly pleasing association that it is today.
No, we weren’t always this congenial. But we’ve learned how to do it through the years, and with some cost. We have a fair amount invested in this thing. So the thought of losing him to long distance saddens me a little. Indeed, though we only see each other once every six months on average, I’ll keenly miss this long-time friend when he goes. I’m sorry that he’s leaving. But I’ll be happy for him, though sad for myself. Hopefully, we’ll stay in touch.
Tom Hesley
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