- 06:15 PM: Watched today’s Dr. Phil episode: Steve Harvey: What Are Men Thinking? I found this show quite humorous. Though in past Dr. Phil shows, I felt that they gave commedian Steve Harvey too much credibility by attributing too much fact to his comical rants, I actually found him quite funny today. I just keep in mind that what he says is more to get people to laugh than to impart good relationship advice. While Harvey’s advice gets crowds to chuckle just about every time, I don’t consider it sound guidance for running a successful relationship. He’s a jokester, not a relationship expert though sometimes he’s billed as an expert in romance. Anyway, here are the notes I took from this episode.
Segment 1
Summary: Steve Harvey, comedian, radio talk show host, and TV game show host is on the Dr. Phil show today, to talk about relationships. Tells us how men think and behave, what they keep to themselves, and how to help women better understand them and improve their relationships with them.
Steve Harvey is also the current Family Feud TV game show host. He’s written a book called Straight Talk, No Chaser. He dined at Dr. Phil’s house the night before and seemed awed by how ritzy the place was. Harvey’s ex wife and he did not have an amicable divorce; she took all three of Harvey’s homes. But Harvey doesn’t comment negatively much about this, not wanting to talk badly about his children’s mother. In his book, Harvey attempts to highlight the vast differences in thinking between men and women. He did not write as an expert but rather as a “friend at the factory.”
The first guest is a woman, looking for a man to love and marry. She’s sought him for a very long time, and experienced numerous failed relationships throughout her search. One fellow was married but neglected to tell her this. Then, a husband, who was unemployed and broke, wanted to have an open relationship. So, she got away from him. Thus, she wants to know how to tell quickly whether a guy really wants to get into a committed relationship, or that he’s just telling her what he thinks she’d like to hear to get her into bed. She complained that once she gives into a man, that he invariably loses interest.
Steve Harvey advises her to maintain her high her expectations of a fellow, and not lower them once the relationships gets going. She should not let them get away with not doing all the things they did in the beginning to win her.
Dr. Phil suggests that maybe she didn’t pick as well as she could have, and that she’s not managing this mate-seeking process very well. Indeed I realize that in my own dating life, that if I don’t choose carefully and with highly exacting standards, that I quickly lose interest in the woman. So it’s good to be picky.
Dr. Phil also advises her not to appear desperate. Don’t let the guys think that they control you.
Next: They’ll discuss errors women routinely make when trying to get guys to do things for them.
Segment 2
Steve Harvey complains that women don’t discover what they really must know about a new man in their lives until it’s too late in the relationship. Yes, I’ve experienced this as well. But once I’m emotionally involved, it’s much harder to get away. So I attempt to make due, and put up with, ignore, or otherwise dismiss the disturbing information. Things that both sexes tend to discover too late: The person is married, unemployed, avoids commitment.
Harvey suggests that you should be able to figure out all these things in 90 days, and says to not have sex for 90 days as well. Once the bedroom happens, that creates a driving need to make the relationship work no matter how bad what we find out is. Women often pretend that what they learn does not bother them, just to keep the peace in the relationship. Either that, or they attempt to change the fellow, believing that they can. Neither of these approaches really works however.
Next guests: Jennifer and her boyfriend Anton.
She’s tired of bugging Anton to work around the house and complains that he’s too frequently playing video games. Anton is young (19 years old) and they just moved in together. Jennifer wants Anton to help more around their home. She believes Anton to be her dream guy and thus, wants to spend the rest of her life with him. Jennifer asks how she can get Anton to want to help more. Anton’s apparent inability to eventually fund a household and family eventually concerns Jennifer.
Anton thinks that Jennifer nags too much, though he admits to spending lots of his off time playing video games. He feels that he’s “unappreciated.”
Dr. Phil says that Jennifer won’t be able to make Anton help more if he does not wish it, citing Anton’s young age as a big problem here. Anton may simply be too young to be as responsible as Jennifer would like him to be.
Steve Harvey says that guys in their twenties have not yet fully matured, and it’s not productive for women to expect them to be more mature. They are what they are, for the age that they are.
Segment 3
Anton did not do his homework in college, and so did not do well there over all. In fact, he took some time off from it. Anton wanted to become the man that Jennifer wants, but his immediate need of a place to live is what got him to actually agree to move in with her. He says that they do play on getting married. He works two part-time jobs while she works a single, full-time job.
Dr. Phil thinks that Anton ought to just grow up and actually become the person that he believes Jennifer wants him to become.
Both McGraw and Harvey think that perhaps they’re too young at this point to consider marriage.
Next: The next guest tells us why he ignores his wife’s requests of him a lot.
Segment 4
Dr. Phil mentions Steve Harvey’s book as a testimonial of the male perspective.
Next guests: Donna and Rudy.
Donna complains that Rudy does not listen to her. She thinks that Rudy is not teachable. She likes to resolve problems in the relationship by talking about them with Rudy, and decide in said talks who is going to do what to set things straight again. But Rudy doesn’t want to talk openly about their issues, Donna says.
Rudy says that Donna hammers him with constant questions, and doesn’t even have a chance to answer one before she hits him with another. He also says that she seems to expect him to repair everything around the house as well as in their relationship. He thinks Donna should listen more, and dislikes when she disturbs him while he’s in his “man caves.” Rudy wants to be asked for help, not commanded to help.
Harvey advises Donna to be sure that the sound of her voice does not come across as pesky.
Dr. Phil advises Donna to make sure that she communicates the full urgency of what she wants to Rudy at the first time she asks him for help. She should not assume that he’s automatically going to say no, and then get angry at him before she’s even asked.
Next: Dr. Phil will ask Steve Harvey how he thinks men can keep their women happy.
Segment 5
Steve Harvey’s wife Marjorie and Dr. Phil’s wife Robin join the two men on the stage.
Steve Harvey in his book gives ten tips on how to make a woman happy. He suggests men should do the following:
- Respect a woman’s free time,
- show attention to romantic details like giving her flowers or drawing her bath water for her,
- discover new ways to tell her that they love her,
- help around the house,
- assist fully in the child rearing,
- avoid rushing into sex (more foreplay),
- keep in mind what she’s got planned and do not schedule other things over top of that without consulting her first,
- give her roses for no particular reason,
- practice the Golden Rule, and
- never take another’s position against her.
The wives agreed with each item in this list.
Segment 6
Suzanne and Mark asked how to sweeten her sex. They say that their love lives just are not enjoyable these days.
Mark says that he and Suzanne sleep at different times. But then he realized that he was starting to make excuses. So he stopped defending his position and admitted that Dr. Phil was right, and that he should do what he can to improve the pleasure of his bedroom encounters with his wife.
Suzanne fears that mark no longer finds her appealing.
Dr. Phil warns them not to neglect their relationship, even though they’ve got kids under foot, schedules, and other responsibilities. They should make the necessary time to grow their love affair.
Dr. Phil then went on to list several appearances that Steve Harvey will be making in March, 2011.
Segment 7
Dr. Phil thanked all of his guests, the wives, and he gave everyone in the audience a copy of the Straight Talk, No Chaser book, written by Steve Harvey.
As the show ends, Steve and Marjorie Harvey walk off with Dr. Phil and Robin. This is rather unusual, as normally, Dr. Phil reserves that walk-off for just himself and Robin. But this time, another couple (the Harveys) joined him. They all must be very good friends I suspect.
I’ll add the next segment presently.
Tom Hesley
Related Posts
Posts You May Also Enjoy
In fact, I have to be careful not to turn it up too high, lest I blow fuses. But for venues that require really loud music, I can run the amps on 220 volts to get around the fuse popping problem.