Dr. Phil Episode: Me Me Me, Selfish People
Here are my notes and paraphrases from today’s Dr. Phil show, called Me Me Me: Selfish People.
Segment 1
Her daughters (Tiffany and Mindy) describe the first guest (their Mom) as the most selfish woman in the world. They say she’s selfish, materialistic, ans unapologetic. Phylis, the Mom, is accused of throwing temper tantrums, and avoiding real participitation in the girl’s activities. She’s accused of taking her children’s beds from them as the result of divorce. She showed up at her daughter’s wedding wearing a near-white dress, even though they bride is usually the only one who wears this color of dress. The daughters feel that she is very selfish, that she has mental problems, and that they’ve suffered from their Mom’s selfish behavior for much of their lives. Phylis gladly posed for pictures with the girls, but involved herself no mor than that in helping them get ready for their proms. Daughters lived with their father after divorce. They wonder why Phylis behaves in such self-centered ways. Daughters resent that Phylis came with the cops beside her, and took stuff from their bedrooms in order to satisfy the divorce court decree. Beds, tables, washer, and dryer she took from them, and then ended up putting the washer and dryer in her garage. She did not even need them. Yet she took them.
Phylis things she was a great mother, and the daughters think this statement ridiculous. She took one daughter’s bed as part of a divorce settlement with their father. She claims that it took a very long time for her to get the things that the divorce court allotted her. Phylis blames the divorce and the hardships associated with it as a big cause for her appearance of selfishness; though she does not think she was selfish. She was just trying to get what was rightly hers. She arrived with cops because she’d been waiting for those items for more than a year. She seemed to deny all responsibility for her daughters feeling as badly they do about their relationship with their mother.
Dr. Phil pointed out that this woman spent lots of time talking about herself and no time acknowledging or apologizing for her daughters’ hurt feelings. Sounds like she is in fact very selfish. He wonders why (or how) she would think it right show up with cops to take some of her daughters’ things. He hammered her on this question but she gave mo good defense. The court may say you can take something. But that doesn’t make it the right thing to do. Even if a judge said this is okay, intuitively, doing so is not in the best interest of the children. She did not have to take the beds. He asked Phylis to acknowledge her daughters’ pain, to admit to the part of the complaints that are true.
Segment 2
According to Mindy and Tiffany: It was not just in her daughters’ childhoods that Phylis has been selfish. Apparently the mother’s self-centered behavior still occurs in a big way today. Phylis wore an off-white dress to Mindy’s wedding that looked in the photos to be very close to the same color as her daughter’s wedding dress. Phylis wanted to compete with the daughters. Her bikinis were skimpier than her daughers’. They say their dad was very loving, and when they’d kiss him good night, the mother would demand with excessive zeal to be kissed as well. Phylis left daughters a sealed letter that explains about the divorce but they’ll not get to see it until after mother dies.
Daughters were offended at this sealed letter business, claiming that it’s just their mothers way of having the last word. They’ll not read the letter and plan to burn it. They want their mom to take full responsibility for how she treated them. They’re also concerned that their mother does not participate more in her grand children’s lives. All she does, they say, is show up for photo ops. They must be too concerned about hurting Mom’s feelings. Apparently, mother over reacts when they say or do anything that offends her.
Dr. Phil encouraged Phylis and her daughters to tell the truth; his typical first recommendation.
Segment 3
Daughters worry that no one will attend their mother’s funeral when she dies due to her near-flaky, over-the-top, selfish ways. They do not want to hate Phylis, but can’t help it because of how low Phylis seems to regard them, always putting herself first.
Dr. Phil asked Phylis if she’s at all concerned that her girls are hurting so much and that it’s gone on for so long. He pointed out that all Phylis seems to talk about is her pains, and her disappointments. He deems her argument ridiculous that the court allowed her to take things from daughters’ home, and that this made the taking alright.
Phylis did not directly answer Dr. Phil’s questions, saying that she’s sorry that her daughters believe what they do about her, but that, essentially, they’re wrong for feeling as they do. She is not acknowledging their pains much less admitting any responsibility for it. She said that she never did anything to hurt the girls on purpose. Phylis did not remember if she had a bed to sleep on when she took her daughter’s bed. How convenient.
Segment 4
Dr. Phil advises Phylis that she’s simply going to have to stop defending herself if she really wants to repair the relationship with her daughters. He said further that Phylis needs to own the fact that she’s made bad choices, has seriously hurt her girls, and she must apologize and be sincere about it. However, Dr. Phil doesn’t think Phylis is capable of doing this right now, as she’s really into right fighting and lacks the empathy to step outside of herself and really appreciate her daughters’ viewpoints. He offered her help to stop the self defence, and appreciate the points of view of her daughters. She needs to stop justifying what she’s done. Right now, Phylis can’t apologize with any degree of sincerity. She just does not have that to give. But perhaps she will, with help.
Dr. Phil hopes that even if the mother never admits her part in all this pain, that the daughters can learn to forgive her. This would help free them of the anger and some of the hurt.
Segment 5
New guests. This girl Shauna, puts herself first. Shauna often talks about herself in the third person, referring to herself as amazing. “It’s my world,” Shauna says, “and other people are just squirls trying to get a nut.” Hmmmm. She hates when anyone prettier than herself comes around. This is perhaps a way she uses to keep attention squarely focused on herself. Shauna seems very insensitive to other people’s feelings. I guess the selfish people always are, aren’t they. She says, “Ugly people bring me down.”
Her friend Chanell describes her as having pretty girl selfish syndrome, as she says that Shauna thinks herself as the perfect woman. Chanell puts up with all this because she and Shauna have been friends for a very long time, and Chanell thinks that Shauna has been very nice and generous to her as well. Shauna did give Chanell a free trip to LA, according to Chanell. But Chanell said in a most delicate manner, that Shauna definitely needs some improvement.
Dr. Phil appeared to see hope for Shauna, as he voiced encouragement that Shauna seemed to be worried over not speaking so brashly about Chanell. So at least, Shauna does have some concern over her friends’ feelings anyhow.
Segment 6
This segment focused on some folks to need to be a little more selfish. Rachel is on day 17 of The 17 Day Diet, happy with results so far, is motivated to continue, and has lost 30 pounds and feels great. Nikki is on cycle 4 of The 17 Day Diet, has lost 14 pounds, and runs every day. Nor Percy lost 15 pounds and 4 inches in his waist, and he feels great, also on The 17 Day Diet. He feels like he can really do what he wants to do in life. This diet he says, changed his life.
Then, they gave a brief update of The 17 Day Diet Challenge segments that Dr. Phil has run on his show throughout this season. On this diet, he says, you can lose weight fast, and this is healthy. Amanda and Bekki appeared today. They say that they’re doing very well on this diet too. They’re on cycle 2. In one month, Amanda has lost 18 pounds and 12 inches. Bekki has lost 27.4 pounds and 21 inches. They spent the rest of this segment talking about The 17 Day Diet itself.
Segment 7
Dr. Phil mentioned that this is his 1500 episode, and featured his oldest fan (110 years old) and his youngest and dearest fan (his nearly 11 month old grand daughter). He brought his oldest fan Opel to the show today, and she seemed quite pleased to be there, beaming all the time he spoke about her. The Dr. Phil staff gave Opel a nice Samsung HD TV for her birthday. They threw a birthday party for her too, She’s been watching him for four years. Hr’d proud to have Opel as his oldest fan.
Then, wife Robin brought out his grand daughter onto the stage, as his youngest (and dearest) fan. Dr. Phil said that he’s had twelve thousand guests on the show, and that his goal when starting the show was to “open a dialog on mental health in America.” He says that he’s managed to do that and he hopes to continue doing that for many years to come.
He thanked all his guests today, and invited viewers to visit the 17 Day Diet web site.
March 10th, 2011 at 9:59 pm
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