Tom's Diary

Here are my notes taken from the   Mini Mean Girls   episode of the  Dr. Phil   show that aired yesterday.

Segment 1

Summary: Pre teen girls show bullying behavior signs, violent as kids go.  One girl said it’s alright to intentionally hurt feelings of another. 

Today’s guests are concerned about their children’s bullying of others in school as well as at home.  Words that describe these kids: bossy, cruel, nasty, and mean. 

Sheila, the mom suspects that her nine year-old daughter Caila bullies classmates at school, takes their lunch funds, threatens, and hits them. 

Caila agrees that she bullies and blames her eleven year-old sister Haley, for her bullying at school, because Haley bullies her at home; calling her names, stealing her things, et al.   They showed scenes of Haley and Caila fighting at home.  She likes bullying others because it makes her more popular.  Her immediate friends also bully and she wants them to like her.  So, she bullies, and thinks it’s fine to hurt others’ feelings; swearing and cursing at them, belittling them, and scaring them with her might.    

Haley admitted to bullying, and this prompted Caila to pipe right in and say that she (Caila) bullies Haley back.  Caila seemed proud when she said this.  Apparently, Caila wants to be known as a bully. 

Dr. Phil says that kids picking little fights with each other occasionally is normal.  But Caila’s behavior is to extreme to be considered normal.  He warned Caila against, as he put it, “bullying the wrong person.” 

Nest: Dr. Phil probes deeper into this situation to learn what might be some of the root causes of Haley’s and Caila’s bulling of each other and others. 

Segment 2

Sheila worries about Haley and Caila, because has five children total, but these two have the most trouble getting along.  

Haley says she does not wish to be a bully because it’s “rude,” and “hurtful.” 

Caila thinks bullying is mean to purposely injure other people’s self esteems, but appears to be seduced by bullying because of how popular doing it makes her.  She bullies to show potential bullies that she’s not anyone to mess with. 

Dr. Phil says that bullies exhibit many like patterns.  They’ve often been victims of bullying at home; yelling, threatening, and hitting by parents and siblings. 

They showed a clip from the   Mean Girls 2   movie, after which, Dr. Phil introduced the two stars of this movie: Maiara Walsh and Meaghan Martin. 

Walsh says she suffered bullying in school.  So, she enjoyed playing in this movie to help her better understand what goes on in the mind of a bully. 

Martin says she was also bullied while growing up. 

Next: These stars will advise and counsel Haley and Caila. 

Segment 3

Sheila refers to her daughters as “mini mean girls,” thus the name of this episode.  Sheila confesses to being a bully herself as a teenager. 

Dr. Phil says that bullies do not always possess low self-esteem that they’re trying to compensate for by bullying; contrary to popular thinking. Some of the bullying tendencies arise when kids realize that they have the power to hurt others, and find that there’s little consequence when they do it.  Thus, “Absolute power corrupts absolutely.”  Girls tend to lord their gifts over others that perhaps do not have them themselves; intelligence, good looks, size, possessions, and even popularity itself.  Bullies do not know how to humbly administer their gifts and talents.  He also pointed out that it may appear at first that people who see you bully say that they’re your friend.  But they’re not really, and are claiming that simply because they fear that you’ll hurt them if they don’t call you their friend.  But eventually, they’ll desert you, much more than a friend would who actually likes you rather than fears you.  A friendship is better if it results because you were nice to someone, rather than because you intimidated them. 

The guest stars think bullying results out of both the need to bolster one’s self-esteem and the presence of too much unchecked power as perceived by the bully.  They essentially counseled the girls to follow the Golden Rule.  If they would not like others to hurt their feelings, then they should not set out to hurt others feelings.  They told them that they’d drive real friends away if they bullied them.  They finally implored the girls to treat each other as family, not as an opponent, and be loving sisters and friends to one another.    

Next: Dr. Phil attempts to instruct on what to do if that popular group has excluded your child. 

Segment 4

Schoolhouse bullying begins as early as elementary school, rather than in high school as is typically believed.  He mentioned a school district in Van Nuys, California that they call   With Compassion and Safety For All: A Humanistic Approach to Bullying Prevention. 

Then, Dr. Phil showed a tape clip of a discussion among sixth grade girls that I believe were involved with this program either in this school district, or as advisors to the program.  The girls talked mostly about how hurt they felt at being snubbed by the popular groups. 

Ten year-old Annika feels unwelcome by the popular groups at her school.  They look away when she approaches, and ignore her.  She and others in her position are afraid to speak up to the excluding group, not wanting to appear rude or pushy.  They wish not to disturb the group, all huddled together when they’re whispering and such. 

One of the Mean Girls 2 stars said that she had low self-esteem in school, and felt excluded by the desirables. 

Meaghan encouraged the girls to avoid fighting and bullying in return. 

Nora, one of those popular girls who excludes others from her circle, is yet another young guest who says she bullies.  She thinks that she may hurt others when she does it, but she’s never aware that she is. 

Next: Another guest mother and child come onto the stage. 

Segment 5

Guest Carson is mother to six year-old Caiden, and says that her daughter routinely dominates, sasses, and talks back. 

Carson’s sister Kristen says that Carson is too soft when it comes to disciplining Caiden.  Caiden is spoiled, and Carson is exasperated because the discipline she’s tried just hasn’t worked.  She admits to screaming at Caiden. 

Dr. Phil suggested a “power struggle” is happening between Caiden and Carson.  He warns Carson to get Caiden in check immediately, lest she become even tougher to handle once she grows bigger.  He opposes spanking because kids learn to be more aggressive from it.  He opposes yelling because this can also make the child become overly aggressive and fearful.  He advised to avoid giving excessive “compensations” for proper behavior. 

Dr. Erika Holiday, a coauthor of the book:  Mean Girls, Meaner Women just came onto the show.  She blames the media for some of the bullying behaviors that kids pick up. 

Next: Dr. Phil talks one-on-one with Caiden. 

Segment 6

Dr. Phil thinks that Caiden feels deserving of pampering.  But without consequences for her behaviors of spoilage, she just keeps pushing further and further to see how much more she can get away with. 

Caiden admits to fighting excessively with her brother who is eight years old.  She says that she only bosses her brother around.    

Dr. Phil says based on the taped pieces shown during this segment that Caiden bosses her mom as well.  He wants Carson to take control of the situation with Caiden now. 

Dr. Holiday feels that the child is not supposed to be given complete control of her destiny here.  The mother needs to show her that she (the child) is NOT the boss.  Parents should be responsive to any stresses they might observe in their child. 

Segment 7

Dr. Phil thanked all guests, including Dr. Holiday, the stars of Mean Girls 2, the parents, and the numerous children that appeared.  He gave every one in the audience a copy of Mean Girls 2 on DVD.  He had all the child guests come to the stage and stand in a row beside him, and invited the audience to applaud if they thought this was a great looking bunch of children. Of course, the claps were deafening. 

I’ll post the next segment shortly.

Tom Hesley

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