Today’s Business: 2011-03-12
Today’s Activities
- Shower. DONE.
- Cat duty. DONE.
Log
08:45 AM: I’m up.
09:15 AM: Looked on the happenings in Japan following the earthquake there nearly two days ago. Some nuclear power plants there are in more iminate danger of melting down, as they’ve still been unable to pump sufficient amounts of colling water into their cores due to power failures. This is quite the nail-biting scenario.
09:30 AM: I find that I’m using my telephone a bit more these days with Mom gone away. I feel like I’ve already begun mourning her death, even though she’s still quite alive. Yet her absence, coupled with the extreme quietness left behind by her departure, often gets me to feeling intensely sad, as though she’s recently passed away.
She’s just not here anymore. That’s the problem, and the realization has been hitting me that I’ll probably never hear her voice in this house again, except via phone. She’ll never again call to me from the bottom of the stairs, and I’ll never hear her laughing with her sister and friends anymore late into the night, while they talk and play cards in the kitchen below. She’ll never drive me anywhere again, and she’ll never again see the sun rise over Brush Mountain at the foot of our back yard. Nor will she ever again hear the springtime birds chirping in the spruce trees that surround our house, providing such a comforting sense of privacy and security. I’ll probably never fight with her anymore about taking her meds, because that’s the nursing home’s responsibility now. Pretty soon, I’ll not even get to pay her bills anymore because there will be none to pay once they’re all paid off, and all her money then will be managed by the nursing home. There’s little I can do now.
Friends on the phone help numb this melancholy a little, and for that I love them dearly. But unfortunately their caring voices do not fill the void of quietness and loss of purpose for me, that Mom so abundently filled while she lived here.
That chilly draft that I last experienced in my Dayton home in 1997, has found me once more here in Altoona. The furnace warms it some, and friends warm it even more through the telephone. But that draft, that incessant, dank reminder of just how alone I actually am, and how much I wish that was not the case, though so familiar, remains still, quite cold.
10:00 AM: Beginning the weekly system backups.
11:45 AM: Sister Jojo stopped by to grab some clothes to take up to Mom at the hospital. While gathering up all of Mom’s eyeglasses, we walked into the back room (Mom’s sitting room) where the Christmas tree stil stands from last year. I told Jojo that I’ve just not been able to bring myself to take it down, because it was here when Mom last was. The tree, now with just the lights on it for decoration, reminds me of Mom and calls to mind so many wonderful Christmas memories, in which Mom was the star. We both cried then, and Jojo advised me to leave it up as long as I wished, and to not force myself to take it down. I suppose I’ll leave it there a while longer, and put it away when I’m not mourning so much.
12:00 PM: Jojo did not find all the clothes she’d hoped to for Mom. So we’ll probably have to go out this week, clothes shopping.
12:40 PM: Marie Callender’s chicken pot pies are delicious, but fatty and salty, at 35 fat grams and 1100 milligrams of sodium apiece. The problem is that it takes two to fill me up. 
So I avoid them normally. But I found four in the freezer (leftovers from Mom), and I didn’t want to waste them. So I had two today and will save the other two for April. YUM!
12:50 PM: Now, I’m tallying Mom’s 2010 medical expenses for tax purposes, and that’s as daunting as a dissertation. Believe me.
01:00 PM: Completed the system backups for this week, and posted the Weekly Backups: 2011-03-12 piece.
02:00 PM: Listening to the Penguins matinee game with [Emmy] on the phone.
04:45 PM: The Pens lost; a shutout actually. Grrrrr. Hmmmm. This would be a good time for a nap. Back later.
05:20 PM: I’m up again.
05:25 PM: With the weather so nice today and temperatures in the upper fifties, I’m taking my first walk of 2011 around what I call The Loop in Bellwood; a path that spans from here past a couple cemeteries and around Main Street. Haven’t done this probably since last year at this time, if not earlier, and with Mom suffering the degenerative effects of too little exercise, I’m motivated this year to head off those problems in me as long as I can. I’d like to do a hundred loops this year; they’re a great source of mind creativity and inspiration. Here I go…
06:15 PM: I’m back home. Wonderful walk. I found the air warm but crisp. I took my oldest iPod (the generation 3 Nano) that I’ve owned for roughly three years now. It still seems to exhibit great battery life, though I did have to charge it today from complete deadness prior to walking The Loop. Saw no one I knew; not even a stranger beeped to scare me out of her way. So, this was a peaceful walk, with no one on the sidewalk but me. In fact, the only evidence of life at all on this journey were the zipping cars. Surprising that no one else thought to walk in this first real balmy springlike weather this winter.
11:00 PM: Talked with a couple friends on the phone throughout the evening, watched TV, and iPodded a little.
12:10 AM: Reviewed the daily blog stats. Now the thirty-day keyword hit count is up to 594 from 581 yesterday. Getting close to that 600 goal. By posting a couple more Dr. Phil episode notes pieces, that goal should be reached.
12:15 AM: Set my clock ahead an hour for daylight savings time. Only had one clock to adjust, as all my others (in the DVR, computer, and the “atomic” radio controlled clocks) do it automatically.
12:20 AM: Tuned into CNN to check in on the Japanese earthquake disaster. Looks like there may be a partial melt down in progress in one of their nuclear reactors. However, not all officials agree with this. But, some people are showing signs of low-level radiation exposure however. Wow, just what I need to go to sleep by. Hopefully, watching this won’t trigger any bad dreams tonight.
12:25 AM: Bed time. So good night. More tomorrow.
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March 12th, 2011 at 4:44 pm
I want no expertise except to best explain what I do not understand, because through explaining, I understand more.