Dr. Phil Episode Notes: Betrayed By Blood
Here are my notes for today’s Dr. Phil episode, entitled: Betrayed By Blood.
Segment 1
Summary: Two sisters are locked in a nasty battle because the one does not approve of the mate that the other has chosen. Then, two other sisters want to heal their relationship that got tumultuous when the one slept with the other’s boyfriend.
The first pair of sisters came to Dr. Phil because one slept with the other’s fiancé and father of her offspring. They’re estranged; not speaking to each other for a year.
The betrayer, Michelle, says that she was drunk when she had sex with her sister Alicia’s fiancé, hinting that she would not have slept with the fellow if she’d been sober. She resisted the guy’s attempts. But he wore her down with repeated appeals and campaigns of whispering, while his fiancé was asleep in the next room. Finally, he crawled into bed with Michelle and then, “it just kinda happened,” Michelle says. Michelle fears that Alicia will never forgive her.
The betrayed, Alicia, Michelle’s sister, was ignorant of this for a year afterwards. Shocked that Michelle would do something like this and hurt that she’d keep it quiet for so long, Alicia nonetheless does not feel that Michelle did this out of jealousy of her. But she did admit that there has been some sibling rivalry between them while growing up. She’s still quite angry at Michelle, and has not forgiven her now ex fiancé. But she must maintain a civil relationship with him, as he’s the father of their child.
The cheating fellow appears to be a philanderer, as according to Alicia, he’s had multiple love liaisons.
Michelle, through tears and the tissues with the Dr. Phil logo imprinted on them, apologized to Alicia, saying that she’ll perform whatever is necessary to heal this rift between them. She knows that she can’t use intoxication as an excuse for what she’s done. Michelle also blamed the fiance’, claiming that he was the one who initiated it all in her bedroom. She confesses to abusing drugs but says she was free of drugs that night.
Next, we’ll hear about Michelle’s distress over not being invited to Alicia’s subsequent wedding (to a different fellow, yes).
Segment 2
Alicia says that she’ll keep Michelle out of her life, and says that she does not know how she could ever learn to entrust Michelle with her heart and family; particularly while Michelle still uses drugs.
Michelle quips that Alicia is quite stubborn and is perhaps holding too hard onto this grudge. So, she’s pessimistic about Alicia ever forgiving her. Michelle traveled to the town where Alicia was to be married despite the fact that she had no wedding invitation from Alicia. She hoped that a surprise appearance would soften Alicia’s heart. But Alicia never did extend the invitation. Alicia did not relent. It seems that Michelle now regrets that she did not crash the wedding (attend without an invitation). She hopes to restore friendly communication with her sister. Michelle admits that though she claimed to be straight for eight months, that she now and then still tokes on a marijuana joint sometimes.
Dr. Phil dresses down Michelle, reminding her that when she picked the action of sleeping with her sister’s fiancé, that she also picked these results.
Next, Alicia and Michelle’s mother joins the discussion.
Also, Michelle says that she would like to repair the relationship with her sister, because she wants to avoid being excluded from her niece’s life. She also fears that someday, when the niece is old enough to understand, that she’ll learn of why her mother and father never married and that she herself was a big part of the cause of that, and then she’ll despise Michelle; definite long-term ramifications here.
Segment 3
Now, they’re showing a clip of Robin (the mother) explaining how this situation may have become so parting for the sisters. She talks of rivalry between them (cheerleading, homecoming queen, grades, and so on) in school. She’s torn, and hates the silence between her girls. She disapproves of Michelle’s pot smoking.
Alicia says that her mother (Robin) makes excuses for Michelle and that she’s siding more with Michelle than her. She says that Robin is showing favoritism toward Michelle and does not seem to appreciate how hurt she was at Michelle’s indiscretion. Alicia says that she enjoys the life she has now and does not want to risk allowing Michelle to enter that, fearing that she’d turn it all upside down again for her. She wishes not to risk bringing someone back into her happy environment that’s already hurt her quite badly. She appears not to wish to grant this second chance to Michelle.
Michelle apologizes profusely once again, through more tears.
Dr. Phil asked Alicia if she would regret not giving Michelle a second chance, should Michelle die.
Alicia says that she knows not if she’d regret anything.
Dr. Phil has the two girls stand up and face each other, noting that Alicia has trouble holding Michelle’s gaze. She doesn’t seem to want to face her.
Alicia then dumps her hostile feelings onto Michelle, telling her how much she’s hurt her and destroyed the life that she had planned by messing up her family and derailing her marriage plans. She too worries about the day when her daughter will want to know why she’s not married to her father, and that she’ll be the one that must explain.
Dr. Phil warns Alicia about carrying around bitterness and anger for the rest of her life. He wishes that she could let go of her anger toward Michelle, though he acknowledges that Michelle acted quite improperly with Alicia’s then fiancé. He also pointed out that the fiancé had commitment issues since he initiated this cheating incident, not to mention that he wanted to have sex with his girlfriend’s sister. Perhaps Alicia’s total abandonment of Michelle is too harsh. He thinks Alicia should seriously consider giving Michelle a second chance because after all, this is her sister. He wants Alicia to allow Michelle to “create a new history” with her, to banish the bitterness in her heart. He offers that Michelle did come onto national television, to reveal this whole sordid story, and to ask for forgiveness. He asked Alicia to “trust [her]self enough to take the chance.”
Next, another pair of sisters is on the show for help. One sister does not approve of the guy that the other sister is dating.
Segment 4
Nicole says she’s been betrayed by her sister Amanda. Nicole does not like Nick, Amanda’s boyfriend, and resents Amanda for choosing him. Nicole views Nick as a “lowlife,” “shady,” and a “mooch.” She explains that Nick moved in with her sister while she was living there too and that he took advantage of Amanda by not paying his share for food and bills. Nicole also suspected that Nick brought a gun into the house that in her opinion, he should not have had. Nicole rails against her sister for allowing this fellow to live with them. Nicole accuses her sister of allowing Nick to move in with them too soon after meeting him. Then, once he joined them, Nicole and Nick fought.
Dr. Phil wants further explanation from Nicole about why she believes that her sister betrayed her by choosing Nick. He asks Nicole if she’s “mothering” Amanda, as Nicole is the elder sister.
Nicole says she does not mother Amanda; she just points out mistakes she sees her sister making, that she’s made herself, and thus, does not want to see Amanda make too.
Next, Amanda gives her view of this situation.
Segment 5
Nicole frowns on Nick’s attending an online college instead of a “real” one, and she blames Nick for the decline of her relationship with Amanda. She says they got along just fine before he entered the picture. Nicole moved out after some sort of argument with Nick. Nicole began avoiding Amanda after her and Nick fought. Nicole in essence blamed Amanda for her own hardship with Nick, because she felt that Amanda did not adequately consider her feelings before bringing Nick into the mix.
Amanda thinks that Nicole is jealous of her (Amanda’s) life. Nicole screams and yells, and apparently has lots of pent up anger and resentment toward Amanda because she thinks that Amanda’s life is so much better than hers. Amanda has traveled, modeled and had numerous positive life experiences as a result that she believes Nicole is jealous of. Amanda says that Nicole chose to get pregnant at a young age. So she has her kids to consider now when making any life choice. But Amanda, who is unencumbered with children, leads a “freer” existence that Nicole resents perhaps.
Amanda admits that her relationship with Nick developed quickly, but not as fast or to the degree that Nicole says it did. Amanda says that Nick did not actually move in with her until Nicole left. (Nicole moved in with Amanda three months before Nick did). She admits that Nick “slept over” quite a bit, but did not officially move all his things in until after Nicole departed.
Dr. Phil suggested with his questioning of Nicole that perhaps she overstepped her authority here. Since it’s Amanda’s house where Nicole was living, Nicole really should have little say over who Amanda decides to have move in with her. Nor, should Amanda have to get Nicole’s approval of each person she dates in order to continue the relationship. He thinks that Amanda’s choice of Nick for a boyfriend is no betrayal of Nicole. After all, Amanda was simply exercising her freedom of choice that American adults are supposed to have. He cautioned Nicole not to expect more than is warranted.
This segment ends with these sisters arguing over whether Nick really brought the gun into the house or not.
Segment 6
Now, they’re playing a clip in which Nick narrates his side of this. He thinks that Nicole hates him, but for what reason he does not know. Now, Nicole is taking her dislike of Nick out on Amanda. Nick says that Nicole curses, repeatedly puts him down, gets angry a lot, manipulates via using her children, and seems irritated with him so much of the time. Given all of this, he does not want Nicole around his daughter. He says he has no issues with Nicole except for how she’s treated him ever since they met. He’s marrying Amanda this October, and his daughter will indeed live with he and Amanda. His child likes Amanda.
Amanda says that she gets along with Nick and his daughter very well.
Nicole thinks she knows enough about Nick to form an informed opinion about him, and at present, that opinion is not very high. But she’s hurt that he concealed a gun in the place where she was living with Amanda.
Dr. Phil suggests to Nicole that she learn to accept things that she cannot change; like the fact that Amanda and Nick are in fact getting married. She may not care for Nick. But if she wants to retain some semblance of a positive relationship with Amanda, then she’d best learn to separate her dislike of Nick from Amanda. Nick appears to be a good fellow to Dr. Phil. He says that Amanda has no right to “veto” Amanda’s decisions in men.
Segment 7
Dr. Phil thanked all the guests. He acknowledged that choices made by family members often have a greater emotional impact on other family members than they would to strangers or casual friends, just by virtue of them being in the same family. So he cautioned folks to consider this phenomenon when conducting their life affairs, particularly when children might be impacted. He advised Amanda and Nicole to try and get along but by all means, shield Nicole’s children from any hostilities that this may create.
That’s the end of the Betrayed By Blood episode of Dr. Phil. Take care.