Here are my notes from today’s Dr. Phil episode: Lies Behind The White Picket Fence.
Segment 1
Guests Brett and Mandy. Engaged and living together and have children. Brett solicits sexual activity online, stores sexual videos on his computer that his children can access, his wife accuses him of lying and cheating though Brett says he’s not had actual sexual contact with anyone except the two affairs he acknowledges, has history of numerous affairs and promiscuous activities before he met Mandy – swingers clubs, met people in hotels for sexual exchanges, definitely a wild fellow. Brett claimed that he stopped all swinging activity upon his engagement to Mandy but then wanted to restart it when Brandy became pregnant. Brett claims to harbor a sexual addiction, but feels offended that his fiancé won’t give him sex while he seems to be looking elsewhere for it. Brett says he needs help but blames Mandy for his indiscretions. He declares that he will stop all sexual activity external to their relationship if Brandy would resume their sexual relationship.
Mandy upset. She thinks that Brett did indeed have sex more than he’s admitted during their engagement. She deems his computer escapades (sex chats every day, nude picture trades) as evidence of his infidelity, even if he never actually had sex with his online buddies. I’d say that he’s been unfaithful, yes. So, Mandy refuses to have sex with him as long as he’s cheating. She agrees that Brett needs help, and that he is indeed sexually addicted, as he routinely behaves this away around their home. They both are requesting help of Dr. Phil. She’s become resigned to Brett’s doing this, and seems to just accept it, and Dr. Phil is calling her on this. She knew before accepting his ring that he was like this but I guess the full reality of what being like this meant she was not aware of until now.
This couple appears normal and happy to neighbors but behind closed doors, it quite a different story.
Segment 2
Dr. Phil believes that there’s still some lying going on. Brett thinks he’s addicted to sex, but not all the time. On those times that he’s not feeling addicted but yet still seeks it out, he blames this behavior on Brandy’s frigid and bitchy attitude towards him. Dr. Phil didn’t get how sending a naked video to women would be a good way to connect with them, especial in his (Dr. Phil’s) case. Apparently, Dr. Phil believes himself too ugly in the nude to interest anybody. So if he wanted to connected with women, that would be the last thing he’d do. How long will Mandy continue putting up with this treatment? . Dr. Phil thought Mandy articulate, very attractive, and highly intelligent; thus, his puzzlement about why she’s sticking around Brett. The extra-engagement sexual activity, Dr. Phil thinks, is unhealthy, suggesting that Brett has an arrogant attitude about it as he’s blaming his current behavior on his fiancé’s imperfections.
Brett confesses to his fiancé’ that she does not know about the most recent affair he’s had. He visits adult web sites, texts stranger women routinely, exchanges lewd pictures with them. His current clandestine lady wants to meet him. He enjoys being desired most; more than actually exchanging sex. Brett’s not sure if he wants to meet this lady, but nor does he know whether or not he even cares that this would bother his fiancé’. Brett thinks Mandy overly negative, cold, frigid, and bitter. Brett suggested that if Mandy participated in threesomes or other forms of external sexual activities like he does, that she’d come to feel better about their situation. Brett also objected to Dr. Phil focusing all blame on him and all compliments on Mandy.
Mandy calls her fiancé’ a liar and a cheater, who “wouldn’t know the truth if it kicked him in the teeth.” She warns that their children will find out someday how badly he treated their mother, and then they’ll realize just how nasty a father he is / was.
Segment 3
Mandy admitted to being a frigid bitch because Brett has been a disgusting liar and cheater. She said that Brett not only lies about sex, but about money, children, house operations, and other important family matters.
The couple has two children, and they’re not married.
Brett says that Mandy has behaved much better around Dr. Phil than she does at home, and he blames his bad behavior on hers. If she’ll behave better, he offered, then he would as well. He says he could stop this with help, although he thinks he could do it on his own. He admits though that it would be easier with help.
Dr. Phil does not believe that Mandy is coning him. He thinks that she’s behaving on the show as she does at home. Dr. Phil appears to believe Mandy and find her more credible than Brett.
A sex addiction expert present at the show said that Brett appears to have a sexual addiction, that looking outside the marriage for a sexual fix is not good. The expert says that classic sex addiction behavior involves the addict provoking his partner not to give him sex so he has an excuse for going outside the relationship to get it. Recommends that this couple discuss this issue in a therapeutic environment. Mandy stopping the behavior that Brett finds offensive will not stop Brett from engaging in his addictive behaviors. Brett can’t look to others to change as a condition for making changes within himself.
Segment 4
Brett denied he’s had any actual sex since engagement to Mandy except for the affairs to which he’s already admitted.
Mandy did not believe Brett, and wanted Brett to take a lie detector test. Bret agreed.
Dr. Phil offered to supply the polygraph exam as done by polygraph expert Jack Trimarco.
Segment 5
Trimarco prepared Brett for the polygraph exam, and then asked him if he’s had sex during his engagement that he has not confessed to his fiancé’. He answered no to all forms of this question.
Mandy says that if Brett fails the test that she’ll be devastated and will probably leave him. She can’t take anymore lies.
Brett said of the test before the results were revealed that it was a fair exam, he was not ill or otherwise troubled, and believed that nothing negative would affect the test results. Brett is confident that the test was done correctly, and saw nothing wrong with the whole procedure.
The test found Brett to be deceptive in his denials about having sex during his engagement. Brett failed the polygraph test.
But then, Brett came up with excuses for why the test might be inaccurate; an aching knee from his plane ride into LA.
Segments 6 & 7
Dr. Phil advised Brett to be candid and truthful. He believed that Brett has had involvements (though Brett denied them) based on logic and the preponderance of the evidence against Brett. It’s hard to believe that if Brett did all this other stuff on the Internet and in email, that he would not have gone the extra mile and actually had sex with someone. Finally, there’s the polygraph results, conducted by a revered polygraph expert (Jack Trimarco), that say that Brett is lying. Dr. Phil thinks that Brett’s attitude on the show today would be a whole lot different if he’d been fully truthful about his affairs. But Dr. Phil offered Brett help in conjunction with Dr. Stollman outside the show, to help Brett recover from his addiction and get this relationship back on the right track. He also offered Mandy resources to help her repair her self esteem. He thinks that the past four years with Brett are likely to be no different than the next four years will be without some serious intervention. Mandy has some serious decisions to make.
Brett however, still denied this in spite of the lie detector test results. He said that essentially, his conscience is clear. If his wife wants to leave him, then at least he knows that he came to the Dr. Phil show and told the truth, in spite of the polygraph results. He admitted to everything she might object to, like the texting, the naked video exchanges, the emailing stranger women, and so on. Plus, he offered to attend counseling. In his mind, Brett tried to do everything he could to repair their relationship. However, Brett agreed to accept Dr. Phil’s off-stage help resources.
Dr. Gary Stollman, the sex addiction specialist on the show today, said that it’s important that Brett be honest with himself and his therapist. He’s going to have to “get real.” There’s not chance for Brett to heal without being completely honest. He agrees with Dr. Phil that these situations can improve with candor coupled with appropriate treatment.
Mandy believes the lie detector and not her fiancé’. She thinks he gets turned on more by actual sex than just a woman’s desire for him. She wants a man who will take care of her children unconditionally and be loyal, no matter how much or how little sex he’s getting from her. Mandy wants a “real man.”
Tom Hesley
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