Tom's Diary

Dear Grace,

No, not a psychologist. I have, however, studied the phenomenon for two decades now, as this barrier to dating really hindered me in my early adult years. I want to tell others of the insights I’ve discovered and how I’ve managed to overcome much of it. Perhaps they’ll find some of the ideas useful.

No, I will not be writing as a renowned expert on the topic. Just as an observer / participant who decided to jot down what he learned. At least, that is how it will be initially. I may, later, do some formal study in college. But that depends on how well my initial books are received.

It was gray, cool day here in the mountains today. Went shopping , worked in the yard, and did a bit of reading tonight.

Tomorrow, I’m going to see the Fifth Dimension at a free concert in a little amusement park a few miles north of here. If the weather holds up, it should be a great show – they’re performing outdoors.

Well, take care. Talk to you later.
Tom Hesley

Good morning Grace.

Yep, Altoona is an old railroad town with a population of about 70,000. It’s a quiet place, nestled in the Appalachian mountains, about 110 miles northeast of Pittsburgh, and about 210 miles northwest of Philadelphia.

To answer your question, I am writing to offer philosophies, practices, behaviors, diets, beliefs, insights, routines, motivational tid bits, and so on, that help enable people to take a maximally active role in finding their “perfect match” mate. Many of us become rather anxious when faced with the prospect of introducing ourselves to someone we -REALLY- find attractive, and so never end up letting them know of our interest, choosing instead to “settle” for someone less attractive to us than we would like, primarily because they were just easier to approach. Ironically, the more we desire a person, the more self-conscious and uncomfortable we may feel when thinking about approaching them, and thus, the greater the anxiety becomes as we attempt to make their acquaintance.

Fear and desire, at first glance, appear as opposite concepts. Yet they really go hand-in-hand. The greater the attraction for someone, the more that that fearful part of us moves us away from them.

My mission therefore, is to help eliminate this anxiety barrier that keeps people from dating their dream mate by dispelling mate-seeking myths, dissecting the anxiety phenomenon, identifying its typical yet numerous causes, and exposing any irrational beliefs that the one experiencing the anxiety may have, which are crippling him / her. There, that’s it in a nutshell.

Changing the subject: I’d really be interested in reading the profile you wrote, that match.com rejected – you mention this in the profile they DID post.

Later,
Tom Hesley

Dear   [BB],

Well, initially, I’m going to write to help men who are shy, or otherwise uncomfortable asking women out, to start dating their dream girls and to stop getting involved with better-than-nothing-but-not-too-great relationships. Then, I believe that there are many myths surrounding relationships that really impede folks’ ability to have happy ones. I want to write at length about those as well.

Yes, I have lots written / recorded in my journal. I write there daily.

Have a wonderful time in CA. I have a friend who lives in Pasadena, who just moved there last August. And he just loves it. 60s to 80s during the day, all the time just about. Hopefully, it won’t rain on you too much out there. There’s an El Nino brewing in the eastern pacific, that might interfere with your good times outdoors. But hopefully, it won’t be too bad.

Later,
Tom Hesley

Hi   [J].

No, I went to Border’s and Barnes and Noble, and neither one had it in stock. But now that it is ordered, it should arrive at Mom’s sometime early next week and I’m really looking forward to reading it, and then, discussing it with you. By the way, once I get to Altoona, things can get pretty boring up there – definitely not big city living. I’d love to talk to you on the phone while there, to help pass the time, if you wouldn’t mind.

Tom

Dear [J],

On the book: Well, I’m going to be away from home for the rest of the year, starting next Tuesday. Will be here a few days, in Pittsburgh for another few, in Altoona between the 22nd and 29th, and then it’s off to Dayton, Ohio from the 29th of December until January 8th, 2000. They want me to work the Y2K-critical period from December 31st to January 4th at the main campus. So I’m afraid of ordering the book now because I will not get it before I leave this Tuesday. But maybe I’ll have them ship it to my Mom’s house and then it will be there, waiting for me, when I arrive. Yes, that will work. I will definitely order it tomorrow, and really appreciate your advice to read it. Once I’ve read it, we’ll have something additional in common to discuss. I really enjoyed our talks, you know?

Tom Hesley

Hi   [J].

I’m doing fine. Just gearing up for the holidays – a favorite time of year for me.

Yes, maintaining a friendship with you would be nice.

No, haven’t been on match.com for a few weeks. We’ve been correcting some Y2K issues at work that have challenged one’s time as well as one’s motivation to continue. J But the problems have been fixed and the associated software is in the test phase now. Hope to release it early next week.

Sorry to hear about your tooth. Yes, even if one is not bothered by all the medicines and chemicals used in root canals, it is still a none-too-pleasant business. Hopefully it is feeling better for you these days. When did you have the root canal done?

I’ll look into getting the book you mentioned, in January. Success stories by challenged folks are often very motivational.

I’ve thought about you over the intervening weeks since our last communication, and hoped that one day, we’d be able to establish a platonic, friendly association. So, your letter was a great Christmas present. J What are you doing for the holidays?

My email address is: thomas.hesley@xxxx-yyyy.com

Hopefully, your email address has not changed. I’ll send this to your match.com address also, just in case it has.

Well, you take care. Thanks for writing, and I guess we’ll talk again soon.

Later.

Tom Hesley

Hi   [Lynn].

The temperature went into the upper 60s today here in Philly. Sunny in the morning, but clouds in the afternoon.

Just got back from bowling. Scored a 110, 153, and a 105, for an average today of 122.6666… A couple pins over my yearly average today. Switched to my 16 Lb. ball and took my own bowling shoes today. This Made a marked difference.

Found a Y2K related problem in a portion of our software yesterday. We have a theoretical workaround, but must test this short term solution further. I hope it works long enough to get us through the millennium change. Then, we’ll apply a long term fix, sometime in January.

What is “an ig dump run?”      Besides, you’re supposed to be on vacation. What in the world are you doing hauling stuff around during your break? Probably just being nice – your nature. Big hearted and all.

Missed talking to you also. Oh well. We have to get used to periods like this. When I go to the winter camp in early December, we’ll have to endure another period of phone silence for three days. But then, the following weekend, we’ll be visiting in person. What a Christmas treat that will be. You’re not Mrs. Clause by chance, are you?

I Never read ‘The Road Not Taken’, but did read, ‘The Road Less Traveled’ by M. Scott Peck. Does that count? At any rate, sounds like a book worth reading.

Well, gotta go too. Take care and be careful while you’re traveling. Can’t wait until we talk live again.

See ya,
Tom Hesley