Tom's Diary

04:00 PM: Today, I watched the   Dr. Phil   episode    Commit or Quit!   episode, and have included the notes I took from the show.

Segment 1

Summary: Couple has been dating for three years.  She want to marry soon but he does not.  She says she’ll leave if he does not marry her.  But he says he’s been seriously hurt before and wants to avoid that by not getting married.  Then, another female guest marries a fellow who appears to already be married to another.  Yet she’s still sleeping with him.  Grrrr. 

They have a long carpet with rose petals on it as Dr. Phil walks out onto the stage tossing petals of his own. 

Josie and Curry are the first guests.  Will he agree to marry her or will she have to move on to someone else who will commit? 

Josie says that she’s tired of waiting for Curry to propose.  She told him to either “commit or quit,” and if he won’t commit, then to “hit the road, Jack, and don’t come back.”  She wishes not to continue wasting time waiting for him if he’s never going to marry her anyway.  His reluctance to commit befuddles Josie, as she’s loved  him the best she can, and is thus, totally committed to him.  But she indicated that she would indeed break up with him if he does not marry her.  She waited so long for Curry because she did not want to end things too soon; he might come around after all. 

Curry says in essence, that he’s not committing because of how badly his ex wife treated him.  He says that he loves Josie and that Josie is in no part to blame for his reluctance to marry her.  His last marriage was hell and he doesn’t want to repeat it.  Nor does he want to assume any responsibility for Josie’s happiness.  He also fears that while he and Josie are getting along great now, how will they handle things going bad in the future if that happens?   Curry thinks Josie embodies the ultimate in attractiveness and that if he did marry Josie, that he’d definitely be wedding way above himself.  So it’s not that he things he could have a prettier woman that’s preventing him from committing. 

Curry explains that he and Josie currently have the own (separate) places and that they’re in a long-distance relationship.  He’s in Las Vegas and she’s in Seattle.  He lived in Seattle when he met Josie but due to a job layoff, he had to move away to take another job. 

Dr. Phil says that Curry must not think Josie his ultimate woman, for if he did, he’d marry her immediately, hands down.  So he asked Curry to explain his hesitation to marry Josie.   Dr. Phil suggests that Curry indeed wants to get married, but not to Josie.  He fully acknowledges that Josie has given this relationship her best.  But considering the way that Curry has responded to her (delaying marriage for quite a long time), it seems that Josie’s best is not good enough for Curry. 

Next, Dr. Phil tells why he thinks Curry is avoiding commitment with Josie. 

Segment 2

Curry fears the plainness that results from fading intimacy in a marriage over time, as is what happened to him in his last marriage.  He fears repeating this scenario with Josie.  He’s also concerned about differences between them that might surface once they live together as husband and wife.  He misses Josie very much now that so many miles separate them.  He’s gun shy due to his own traumatizing marriage experience. 

Josie wants to marry Curry with all her heart and spend the rest of her life with him.  But she will not live with him before they’re married; it’s her beliefs that prevent this.   

Dr. Phil points out that it’s not the actual event of marriage that Curry is fearing; but rather, it’s what he’s telling himself about marriage and what he believes about it that’s keeping him from giving Josie a wedding ring.  He thinks that Curry has formed some negative generalizations about marriage and women that has exacerbated his fear of marriage to a woman.  He spends much of this segment listing those for Curry on a white board.  But Curry’s hurtful previous marriage experiences, Dr. Phil told him that he needs to man up and marry Josie, or value her enough to let her go to find another man who will.  Dr. Phil noted that though he’s divorced from his ex wife, Curry is still controlled by his thoughts of her. 

Segment 3

Dr. Phil took a poll and discovered that 46 percent of voters say that Curry should commit and 54 percent think that he and Josie should not try to make it work any longer.  He says that so many voted against continuing because of Curry’s hesitation, and they don’t think you can argue with someone to persuade them to want to marry if they do not really want that within themselves.  Marriages are difficult enough when both people go into them wanting to be married.  But one of the partners not wanting it would make keeping the marriage too difficult to manage for all but the most dedicated (and perhaps, foolish) of individuals. 

Josie says that she will not move to Las Vegas to be with Curry unless he marries her.  She’s annoyed and angry that Curry has forced her to wait so long.  She feels that she’s given him the utmost in honesty and dedication for more than three years now. Yet he still does not want to commit.  She feels that she’s “not good enough” for him, though she’s offered him her best.  She says she’s ready to find someone else if he will not marry her right away.  Josie is also fed up with all the expense of traveling and juggling schedules to visit him in Las Vegas. 

Next: A new guest did get married but soon found out that her marriage was a farce. 

Segment 4

Melissa thought she had the perfect wedding under her belt, but then discovered that the whole thing was faked by her fiancé.  She eventually went to the court house to locate her marriage certificate, and that’s when she discovered that her marriage was not real.  Melissa says that her fiancé fibs constantly.  She and John were “married” in August, 2009.  But every time she tried talking with John about her suspicions, he’d become angry and evasive.  He would not be considered a criminal because the wedding to Melissa was not a real wedding; had no legally binding properties about it. 

John is the man who conned her two years ago.  He withheld information about his previous three marriages, as well as that the third one was still in effect.  He kept inventing excuses for why he could not show Melissa the marriage certificate.    

Next: John will provide his side of this twisted and very sad story.

Segment 5

Dr. Phil asked Melissa is she’s still having sex with John.  He suggested that since John chose not to appear on the show, that he must not really want to straighten things out with Melissa.  If he did want to sincerely apologize to Melissa and set things right at the deepest levels of her being, then he would have come and apologized, answered hers and Dr. Phil’s tough questions, and explained his reasons for the lies.  Dr. Phil offered Melissa some help to recover from this affair, by herself, and not with John. 

Melissa says that John gave her a fake diamond ring (a cubic zirconia stone), though he told her it was a real diamond.  But she didn’t care about how much the ring cost per se as long as it came from his heart.  But his misrepresenting the ring bothered Melissa way more than the cheapness of the ring he gave her.  She’s reluctant to totally cut John off however, because she depends on him for his money.  There’s a daughter to consider, and so, Melissa feels that she’s stuck with John for the present.  She, after some delay, answered yes about still having sex with John. She justified this, claiming that it was better than nothing at all, particularly since she had gone for quite along time without John, once she learned of his deceptions. 

John chose not to appear on the show after some waffling.  But he did talk to the Dr. Phil staff over the phone.  He admits to lying about the wedding to Melissa.  He continuing telling falsehoods, fearing that Melissa would leave him were he to be forthcoming.  He lied to his sister about his eligibility to be married to Melissa (his sister performed the ceremony), telling her that he in fact had the marriage license when in fact, he did not.  He says that his sister did not know that he was still married.    

Roxanne, Melissa’s friend and brides made thinks that Melissa should indeed get John out of her life. 

Next: A couple gets scammed by their wedding planner for $30,000. 

Segment 6

They showed a news segment that detailed the scam.

The scammer had been in jail for doing a similar deed to another couple, and upon her release, she preyed on Tina. 

Tina found the scammer on some wedding web site and looked into six provided references.  All of them checked out.  When asked what she would do differently the next time around, Tina says that she would not hire the scammer again. 

Dr. Phil introduced the concept of   non directional venting.  This can happen when anger toward the scammer is unintentionally refocused at the partner.  He advised them to be very careful not to voice anger at each other that’s meant for the situation itself.  Tina admits that the scam has put much stress on their marriage, as it ended up costing them close to double for their wedding.  They should not focus the general stress of this wedding scam at each other.  Dr. Phil gave them a honeymoon vacation package to perhaps replace some of their bad wedding memories with delightful ones. 

Segment 7

Dr. Phil returns to Curry and Josie, wondering whether Curry had decided to go ahead and Marry Josie, though he states that Curry need not decide here and now, on the show. He wants them to return home and consider all that was said on the show.  He wants Curry to stop the over generalizing about his failed first marriage, and to stop allowing thoughts of how nasty his ex wife was to keep him from enjoying the love of a better lady (Josie).  Finally, he told Curry that he either should wed with Josie or step back and let her get on with her life.   

Curry has not yet elected to marry Josie.  Curry feels badly for Melissa.    

Okay, that’s the end of this episode.   

Tom Hesley

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I watched this show today.  Here are my notes…

Segment #1

Introducing Rickie.  She lives with boyfriend Erin and father of her children.  No, they’re not married, and, she also works with Josh, whom she refers to as her best friend. 

However, she confides in Josh more than in Erin, she lies to Erin about where she’s going so she can conceal visits to Josh, and she makes Erin out to be the one with the real problem. 

Erin offended and hurt by this.  But Rickie dismisses this as unfounded jealousy.  Yet she makes her encounters with Josh clandestine. 

Rickie is astonished that it’s not proper decorum for her to befriend Josh to the degree that she does, while Erin, her boyfriend, waits in the wings for her to come home.  She  justifies this by claiming to not understand why it’s different to spend time alone with a male friend than a female friend.  She seemed obstinate on this, not wanting to acknowledge Dr. Phil’s rationale as he attempted to explain it to her.   Even after McGraw’s explanations, I still don’t think Rickie got it. 

Erin feels that he must compete with Josh for his girlfriend’s intimacy.  Rickie blames Erin’s controlling attitude and inability to sufficiently provide for the family, for her bringing an interloper (Josh) into the mix. 

Rickie sought out Josh to cosign for an apartment for her, Erin, and the children.  Rickie thinks that Erin is the right man for her, but wants to retain Josh as a friend, presumably, to fill in where she deems Erin to be inadequate. 

Rickie admits to lying.  But Rickie also knows that Josh, the so-called ‘good friend’ has more than friendly feelings towards her. 

It also came to light that Erin has physically abused Rickie although she did not use this fact in her justification for her going outside her relationship to the interloper.

Dr. Phil referred to Josh as a “work spouse.”  He defined a work spouse as someone who a person works with on the job and due to that and perhaps a covert romantic interest, winds up spending more time with this person than his significant other at home.  Dr. Phil cautioned about the boundaries that the work spouse can easily cross.  He suggested that sharing personal information with a coworker should not be done.  Avoid going off alone with the work spouse.  Rickie and Josh have spent time alone, playing video games and drinking beer so they say. 

Segment #2

Dr. Phil though Erin to be overly paranoid, though he did acknowledge that Rickie did supply some reasons with her behaviors, that Erin should be concerned that he’s losing Rickie to Josh. 

Erin often looks through Rickie’s cell phone, computers, and other electronic devices, to find evidence that Rickie is cheating on him. 

Josh admits to having more than friendship feelings for Rickie but he denies ever crossing any bounds of propriety.  Rickie seemed a little taken aback at his admission, and sort of denied knowing anything about the extra feelings  until now.  Erin hates Josh for this and his interloping role, and has threatened Josh with violence.  Rickie complains more to Josh about the problems with Erin, than she talks to Erin about them.

Dr. Phil objected to Josh’s interloping.  He argued that though Josh says he has not acted upon his romantic feelings for Rickie, that Josh already has crossed an intimacy barrier, just be allowing Rickie to confide in him so much and about such personal topics. 

But Dr. Phil found fault with all three participants in this squalid love triangle.  Erin is overly jealous, possessive, and insecure.  Rickie is headed for an affair with Josh (if she’s not in one already and I think she is), and Josh is the proverbial interloper.   His presence is causing conflict in the primary relationship.  Josh has even offered to attend parenting classes with Rickie while she was pregnant. 

Segment #3

Erin chases Rickie away with his jealousy and abuse, but has good reasons to be concerned.  He’s just acting out his insecurities inappropriately. 

Dr. Phil said that Rickie seems to have “suspended her common sense” about relationship boundaries and propriety by allowing Josh the interloper to gain such a foothold in her emotional life.  No matter what Erin may or may not have done, that’s never a reason to cheat on him. 

Intimacy is more than just sexual encounters.  It also embodies the sharing of one’s innermost thoughts and feelings (I’m paraphrasing from Dr. Phil here).  A true relationship is no place for substitutes or surrogates.  Josh is creating more tension for this couple just by way of his involvement in their affairs and in Rickie’s heart. 

At the end of this segment, Josh and Rickie were still defending their association and Dr. Phil, who at this point was out of time, just waived them off with an exasperated look on his face, and told them, “It is what it is.”

Segment #4

Seemed to me that Rickie is penalizing Erin for his difficulties in securing credit and providing for the family, by essentially cheating on him with another man.   Rickie still does not see why she should not confide highly sensitive familial information in Josh, and she admits that she does not know “how to fix” her relationship.

Dr. Phil felt that Josh should back off and allow the couple to work on their troubles, saying that you can never repair a marriage by allowing another person to enter the couple’s intimate spaces.  No intruding interlopers please. He also said that both relationships (the primary one between Rickie and Erin, and the clandestine one between Rickie and Josh) are inappropriate, and cautioned against all the lying going on in this arrangement. 

Dr. Phil then offered couples counseling. 

The next guests: Lover had a chronic jealousy problem and feels that his boyfriend Andy, is too friendly to customers at his workplace. 

Segment #5

Can a man and a women working closely together remain as just platonic friends?  Based on the guests of today’s show, the answer is NO! 

The next couple, Tommy and Andy, was troubled by Tommy’s chronic and over-the-top jealousy (hats off to Dr. Phil for featuring a same-sex couple for nearly half of the show). 

Andy is a friendly sort of fellow at his bar / restaurant job, smiling broadly at most every customer.  But Tommy hates that, feeling threatened, insecure, and fearing that he’ll lose the love of his life (who as of the show today, is Andy) to someone else if Andy does not stop being so overly nice.  

Tommy admitted to being overly controlling and obsessive.  Andy did not see himself as a flirter, but Tommy disagreed.  Tommy also revealed his deep fear of living life alone and that this was why he so tends to possess so much, his lovers.

Segment #6 & #7

Tommy resents Andy’s gregarious behavior.  But as Andy countered, then that means that Tommy doesn’t like Andy’s personality. 

However, Dr. Phil offered that Tommy’s jealousy really has nothing to do with how outgoing Andy is; that it’s all about what’s inside Tommy’s head instead.  Tommy appears to have low senses of security, self esteem, and self worth.  Correct these issues, and his jealousy will likely lessen dramatically.  These are the ingredients of the classic controlling mentality.  Further, if Tommy can tone down his compulsion to control his lovers, again, he’ll be less jealous, and experience less of a need to keep his lovers entirely to himself.

Dr. Phil’s diagnosis of Tommy: Anxiety Neurosis. He advised Tommy to learn to be less anxious and offered that this could be done pretty quickly.  Dr. Phil offered to provide the necessary resources to help Tommy, and Tommy accepted tearfully.    

In ending the show, Dr. Phil invited viewers to check out his web site at   http://drphil.com/ , and both guests and their families once again agreed to the treatment plans Dr. Phil proposed for them earlier in the show. 

Tom Hesley

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Hi [Sandy].

Helping a friend move to Akron later today, and thought I’d peck out a few lines before turning in tonight.

Well, sorry you don’t get out more often when sampling those various water bodies.  But then, I imagine they pay you more than the sample collectors, ‘eh? 

There are ways to address the shower-hot-when-toilet-flushes problem without re plumbing.  For a while, before I replaced our pipes, I put two pressure-regulating valves on the hot and cold water sides of the shower, and set them each to the same value.  Then, when the commode flushed, the balance of pressure between hot and cold supplies held constant.   That worked pretty well for nearly a year, and in addition to pressure regulators, they also have temperature regulating shower valves that monitor the water at the shower head.  Should that grow hotter than the set point or colder, they apply more cold or hot water respectively, to keep the temperature from fluctuating.  Of course, the best overall way to accomplish the same thing is to use at least 3/4” pipe throughout the house, except where you feed individual faucets.  Those runs can still be 1/2”.  But any pipe that feeds more than one faucet should be 3/4”, at least. 

I didn’t know you lived in the Pittsburgh area.  During what years?  I was there from 1979 through 1988.

Thanks for sharing about Dad.  Yes, he was a silent but great guy.  We didn’t talk too much.  But I spent an entire afternoon with him, the last time I saw him alive in March of 1997.  He was conscious then, and I’m told that that was probably the last lucid day he had prior to his death in May, 1997.  In fact, we ordered a Stromboli and split it.  That day, we talked, and we talked, AND WE TALKED.  It was wonderful, and I still miss him, some thirteen plus years later. 

Now, it may be Mom’s turn coming up, and I’m just trying to make sure that she and I say everything we need to say to each other before she goes.  I almost missed that opportunity with Dad, so I can’t risk not being here for Mom.  So, I visit her often and stay as long as my rides allow.  

She’s been away now for going on three months, and you’d think that with all the health problems she’s endured, that we’d be prepared to lose her.  But I’m not; no more so than I was ten or twenty years ago.  In fact, I’m sure I’ll be quite devastated for a while when her fateful day comes.  Sometimes, as I’m lying in bed, half way to sleep, I’ll hear her calling me from the bottom of the steps; like she used to do when she was here and could walk.  Sometimes from that, my own tears running down my cheeks awaken me, and the reality bursts in that she may never come home again.  Yep, this part of our life cycle Amy, the part where you must give up a parent to death, is so brutal; for everyone involved.  Sometimes, it’s so quiet here.  Anyway, I’m sorry to dump. 

I’d say that I’ve learned to be content and actually pretty happy with what I have; though admittedly, I still desire some things.  I still have dreams and fantasies.  But if they never come true, I’ll not fret too much. I mean, ideally, I hope that most of them do one day jump from the cerebral to the concrete.  But even if that never happens, I’m quite satisfied with my accomplishments thus far, and I’ve been lucky enough to experience for real, many of my dreams; most of them in fact.   I actually got to live with my first love for a time.  How many ever did that?  Not many I gather.  Plus, I managed to secure a lead software engineering position at a high tech company for nearly a decade.  I’ve owned a home, and got to live in Philadelphia for a few years and Dayton for nine years; all of these, WONDERFUL experiences.  So, while I cannot accurately claim that I want for NOTHING, I’m very pleased with what destiny, my talents, and my life choices have done for me.  They’ve made me whole.  True.  In the end, I may never get EVERYTHING I want from this life.  But I’m thrilled that I’ve received MOST of it.  Yes.  Life is good.

Alas, I’d best get to bed because it shall be a long day out to Akron and back tomorrow, and I hope to get a fresh start.  So, enjoy your weekend.  It’s supposed to be spectacular weather the next couple days.  Leave your microscope for a telescope and gaze at the stars the next couple nights, which should be quite vivid.  Take care. 

More later.

Tom Hesley

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Hi   [Sandy].

Wow, don’t get eyestrain, being in front of that microscope so much.

Yes, I hear that Bellwood has great water. I wouldn’t know however, as we have well water here; very HARD well water in fact. Been thinking about a softener, as I just replaced a water heater that only lasted six years. But I’m not sure the added expense of a softener would be offset by the savings in less appliance repairs / replacements over its life time. I’ll have to think about it some more.

Hmmm. Your long work hours remind me of the software engineering job I held for fifteen years. Lots of overtime there. One month in 1992, we worked 8:00 AM until 1:00 AM, seven days a week. I gained some weight that month.

Do you visit those 13 reservoirs personally to collect the samples? That would be a neat way to get out of the office now and then.

Sorry you had to go it alone like that. But if you obtained plumbing skills, at least you could do that work to make some extra money if you needed it. I re plumbed our house here, back in 2008; replacing most of the copper with PVC pipe, and going from a 1/2 inch water main to 3/4 inch one. That really improved the pressure and now, you don’t get scalded in the shower when someone flushes the toilet. In fact, there’s no temperature change at all. We can even wash clothes now while someone showers, and they don’t know the difference.

Working with PVC seemed pretty easy; although I did have to learn to solder copper pipe because I decided to use copper around the water heater, as I didn’t trust PVC to handle the heat there as well. But in retrospect, it probably would have been just as safe to use PVC. So I will use it, if I ever do that job again, which I’m hoping not to.

Goodness, you’ve certainly had a rough year! But it’s great that you’ve emerged from that darkness. Congratulations. I’ve had my bouts with depression as well. But things have been very good over the past eight years or so; particularly now that I’m doing more of what I was apparently cut out to do – writing. I’m happier now than I’ve ever been, and while it took some time to adjust my life to support it and to learn how to be happy, it was well worth the effort. I don’t mean to say that everything is perfect. Mom’s ongoing health problems sadden me deeply. But nonetheless, I like my life – I’m a “life-a-holic” as well.

I saw your Mom and dad last December. They came for a little Christmas bash that Mom held. I always enjoy talking about math and computers with Jim. Once we talked about the special significance of the number zero and why calculators give you an error message when you try to divide 1 by 0. Wow! He’s really very smart.

One day at a time, yes, because the further out you plan, the greater the risks of those best laid plans going awry. Best to keep it short, and simple I think. Do you like philosophy? I must confess that I enjoy writing it more than reading it.

Tom Hesley

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Today’s Activities

• Shower.  DONE.
• Cat duty.  DONE.
• Vacuum upstairs.  IN PROGRESS.
• Pay all pending bills.
• Make sure all of Mom’s borrowed books have been returned to the library.  IN PROGRESS.
• Deposit all pending checks for Mom.  DONE.
• Go grocery shopping.  DONE.
• Do all pending laundry (2 loads).  DONE.

Log

07:30 AM: I’m up.

09:30 AM: I love my new 75-gallon water heater! It recovers from baths in under 20 minutes, while a hot load of laundry is washing besides. A 25-minute shower no longer exhausts the heated water, and water temperature is more consistent – not so much of that gradually-gets-colder stuff after just ten minutes in the shower. Plus, quieter operation and better venting make this my 2010 dream appliance, hands down. *sigh*

11:00 AM: Leaving now for today’s   shopping trip.  Back later.

04:30 PM: I’m back home.  Now, it’s nap time.  More after while.

07:20 PM: Wow, I just napped a VERY LONG TIME!  Anyway, I’m up again, and probably will be now, for (what else?) a VERY LONG TIME.  Sheeesh, I feel like Rip Van Winkle.

09:30 PM: Posted the   Tom’s Views –> Tankless Vs. Tanked Water Heaters    piece.

10:30 PM: Talked with [Emmy] on the telephone.  It’s nice chatting with her when it gets very quiet around here.  Sometimes, I even miss Mom’s noise.  Sssshhhhh, but not too often however.

10:43 PM: Posted the   Tom’s Views –> US Healthcare Issues   piece.

12:05 AM: Recorded audio journal episode   AJE-2010-09-24-23-27. 

12:30 AM: Recorded a new audio journal episode about the thirtieth anniversary of the final breakup with [First Love].  I marveled over how much I’ve learned about life and people since then.  But even if I had had all that knowledge back then, I don’t believe it could have prevented us two going our separate ways.  Our differences were simply too profound for any amount of wisdom to overcome.  But I’m grateful for the experience as bitter as parts of it were, for it definitely grew me into a stronger, more well-adjusted man.

01:00 AM: Facebooked and iPodded.  No new insights to report from these activities tonight.  Maybe that’s because I’m getting tired.  So, I’m headed to bed.  Good night, and I’ll write more in less than twelve hours.

Tom Hesley

Received Mail and Shipments

• Promo Only’s Mainstream Radio series; the 2010-10 issue.
• Quarterly refuse collection bill.
• A get-well card for Mom.  Hmmm.  Though the cards aren’t for me, I still get joy from receiving them; it’s fun to take them to her and watch her face light up as her eyes scan through them.

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I threw out the last of the three cotton Gap shirts that I purchased in the spring of 1994. 

These shirts remind me of the three visits that sister Mary Ann and her husband Tom made to me while I lived in Ohio.  They visited me at Jamestown Circle in 1992, and at Copper Creek Court in 1993 and 1994.  I purchased these during their last visit prior to them having children.  They came in 1994 to comfort me; as I was still hurting in the shadow of the breakup with [Emeebee] and to help me decorate my home. I needed transportation to purchase a face-lift for my living room and the household items that were too big to carry on a bus.  Along with the shirts at the Dayton Mall Gap store, we bought some pictures, lamps, and various nick knacks at numerous other stores there.  My credit card was smoking that day.   

I remember Mary Ann cautioning me against buying these shirts because she felt that they “looked old.”  But I so liked their alternating patterns of various width horizontal stripes, that I couldn’t resist.  As it turned out however, these shirts lasted longer than any I’ve ever owned, and throughout their lives, they never looked very much older than the day I bought them some sixteen years ago. 

They were a bit pricey, and this gave me pause for a moment as I approached the cashier with them draped over my right arm.  But they turned out to be an excellent purchase. I think I paid somewhere around $50 for the triad.  In fact, if I’d known when I bought them that they’d last as long and wear as well as they did, I’d have purchased ten more.    Hmmmm.  I wonder if   The Gap   still sells shirts of this quality?  I liked the casual yet well-tendered look they gave me. 

One was predominantly red with yellow and blue stripes.  One was yellow with blue and green stripes, and the last one was blue with yellow and green pinstripes.  I got rid of the other two a few years ago due to discoloration around the underarm areas.  The one I discarded today had no discoloration but developed small holes throughout; the cotton appears to have deteriorated. 

So good-bye Gap shirts.   May I find others to serve me as well as you.  Though these shirts are gone now, I still have pictures and great memories of  those days so long ago. 

Tom Hesley

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• Today’s Business: 2010-08-16

Today’s Activities

• Shower.  DONE.
• Cat duty.  DONE.
• Do all 4 loads of pending laundry.  IN PROGRESS.

Log

09:45 AM: I’m up.

09:55 AM: We didn’t read any of the   Frankenstein   book yesterday, as we’ve been busy with numerous activities reserved for summer — swimming, lounging on the porch, visiting friends, and so on.  But hopefully tonight, we’ll read a few chapters.

10:00 AM: iPodded and Facebooked.  Friend count: 271,  and the fans count on my official Facebook page is now 48.  Interestingly, 37 of my friends like my fan page but the total people who like it is 48. This means, that 11 strangers (people who have not yet befriended me) have discovered and decided to like the page on their own; without any solicitation from me.  So with an admittedly small voice, my writing nonetheless is starting to speak people on its own; without my help; an encouraging development to be sure.

12:25 PM: We read more of the   Frankenstein   book.

02:15 PM: Heading out for an afternoon with sister Mary Ann.  We’ll return later.

05:40 PM: We’re back home again.

07:55 PM: We read more of the   Frankenstein   book.

08:30 PM: iPodded.  Today’s repeater song: Fly by Sugar Ray.  I skated to this song my first year living in Philadelphia in 1997 and 1998, at the Palace rink and the far northeast and the Wow Family Fun Center nearby.  Wonderful fun, and great memories.  I truly miss the Palace, the boulevard, and the Wow Family Fun Center.  Every so often, I get the urge to move back.  But as a writer who is only just now beginning to bud, my finances are too constrained at present for such a big change.  So for now, I’ll just keep dreaming.  I may go back someday.  I don’t know.  While my memories of Philly are sweet, I also realize that it’s quite the dangerous place to live, as I found out from my experience of being mugged down there in 1999.  Plus, Philly did not bring the women into my life that I’ve missed for so long; though I thought when I moved there that within a year, I’d be living with my dream girl.  So if I do decide to return there, I must be sure not to do so based on delusions.  Philly can only do so much for me.  It, in and of itself, will not fill the emptiness in my heart.

10:20 PM: Watched the 2010-07-09 episode of   Dr. Phil   on the DVR, about parents losing control of their households to their children.  He and his guests also discussed how to determine what you really want to do in your life.  Their Answer: Ask yourself what you would do if you only had 24 hours to live.  If you’re honest with yourself, the answer to that question is probably what you would want to do with much of your life.

01:30 AM: We read more of the   Frankenstein   book.

01:40 AM: Bed time.  Good night.

Tom Hesley

Received Mail and Shipments

• Misc. credit card account information for Mom.

Related Posts

• Book: Frankenstein
• Site Stats: 2010-07-31
• Today’s Diet: 2010-07-31
• Weekly Backups: 2010-07-31
• Weight Loss: 2010

Today’s Activities

• Shower.  DONE.
• Cat duty.  DONE.
• Do 1 load of white laundry and 1 dishwasher full of dishes, pots, and pans.  DONE.

Log

09:50 AM: I’m up.

10:30 AM: Blogged and Facebooked.

12:15 PM: Chatted with [Emmy] about my hopes that reincarnation does not happen.  I’d dread having to do all this again; learning about life and being humiliated for that which I do not yet know.  I like where I stand now but hated the struggle to get here.  So if reincarnation indeed does occur, I hope that next time around, it’s not so hard to reach this plateau as it was during THIS life cycle.

12:40 PM: Took the   weekly site backups.

05:20 PM: Watched the 2010-07-07 and 2010-07-08 episodes of   Dr. Phil   on the DVR.

06:20 PM: Heated up the leftover beef roast and vegetables from yesterday.  But [Emmy] is growing bored with roasts.  So I suppose I’ll have to cook other foods when she visits.

07:30 PM: We bought some ice cream at Sheetz for dessert.  [Emmy] had strawberry cheesecake flavor and I had vanilla.

10:00 PM: Watched Larry King’s   Whale Wars   interviews with Bob Barker and some folks who take on illegal whalers boat-to-boat and sometimes, face-to-face.  Hooray for these heroes for trying so valiantly to save the whales.

11:00 PM: Read the   Frankenstein   book for an hour with [Emmy].

11:35 PM: Watched    KDKA TV’s Local News at 11:00 PM:

12:15 AM: Read another chapter of the   Frankenstein   book with [Emmy].

12:30 AM: This day’s over now, and so we’re going to bed.  More tomorrow.  Good night.

Tom Hesley

Received Mail and Shipments

• Papers for Mom from UPMC Cardiovascular Institute.  I think Mom is planning to visit this place to figure out why she’s in heart failure.
• Coupons from Weis pharmacy.

Related Posts

• Book: Frankenstein
• Facebook Tid Bits: 2010-07-24
• Laptop Shuts Off: 2010-07-15
• Site Stats: 2010-07-24
• Today’s Diet: 2010-07-24
• Weekly Backups: 2010-07-24
• Weight Loss: 2010

11:55 AM: Well, in order to round out the love quest blog, I started a new piece on attracting women.  “How to attract women” is a highly popular search that people run these days, so it seemed a prudent topic to discuss to increase the traffic on the site.  But in my approach, I avoid deception or trickery of any kind.  In fact, people fall the most deeply in love with who we ACTUALLY are; not who we make them THINK we are.  This document is still under construction (here).  So thoughts (particularly from the ladies here) are welcome.

07:58 PM:  Leftover pork roast still quite delicious, even after a few days. So tasty in fact, that all leftovers are now gone. Tomorrow: New York strip steaks. Yum!

11:42 PM: One person sacrificing his happiness so that his lover can be happy.  Is this indeed the truest love available? Perhaps. But not the healthiest love. Instead and ideally, both partners would be happy without either one having to sacrifice his or hers for the other. Relationships where one person is happy at the expense of the other are doomed to fail, and so, in my opinion, ought to be avoided.

11:50 PM: But then, the lady responded that she was talking about sacrificing her happiness for her daughter in that she decided to remain without a partner until her daughter is grown; a noble gesture I thought.

12:30 AM: After 23 years, it’s time once again to reread Mary Shelly’s book: Frankenstein. Hopefully this time, I’ll get more out of the book as I’m better equipped to grasp this sort of high-power literature than the first time I grappled with its pages in 1987.

Tom Hesley

Related Posts

• Today’s Business: 2010-07-19
• Tom’s Love Quest –> How To Attract Women

Today’s Activities

• Shower.  DONE.
• Cat duty.  DONE.

Log

07:30 AM: I’m up.

08:30 AM: Started the pork roast cooking, with the netting intact as per advice I received on Facebook yesterday.  Since this is a significantly larger roast than I usually cook, I’m allowing at least ten hours for it to completely cook in the crock pot on the high heat setting.

09:15 AM: Well, Sheetz had no mushroom soup. But I do have some canned mushrooms. So I’ll just throw a couple of those into this pork roast in leu of the soup, and perhaps add a little whole milk as the cooking nears completion — if I get bold enough that is. I wouldn’t want to ruin such a big piece of meat with untested ingredients.

09:45 AM: Added the July through August, 2010 issues of Promo Only’s Country Radio music series to my DJ library.

01:00 PM: Dusted and vacuumed the bedroom.

01:55 PM: Watched today’s episode of   The Young and the Restless   on the DVR.

02:10 PM: Worked the   Laptop Shuts Off: 2010-07-15   project and Facebooked

02:20 PM: [Mentat]  just arrived; driven here by his sister.  We’re headed to the pavilion to catch up.

03:45 PM: [Mentat] says that he and his girlfriend are back together and that his plans to move to Ohio to live with her have been reinstated.  I had hoped that he’d remain in this area, but realize that his happiness is paramount.  If he needs to move there to maximize his happiness, then that’s what he must do, and I support him though I’m said to see him leave.

04:50 PM: It got pretty warm as the sun began shining into the western side of the pavilion.  So we’re going back up to the house to check on the roast and check out a little TV.

06:00 PM: We had supper — just the roast and vegetables, and were both pleased with how it turned out.  We’re going to make cat fish for supper tomorrow.

08:00 PM: We watched   Family Guy Presents Blue Harvest;   a spoof on Star Wars that was rather funny.

11:15 PM: Watched tonight episodes of   NBC’s Nightly News   and   CNN’s AC 360   on the DVR.  We also took in the   Star Trek: The Next Generation   episode called   Q Who   from season two.  This is the episode that first introduces the borg beings.  Great TV.

11:50 PM:  The roast really turned out well, and I have a few meals worth of leftovers too.  The mushrooms were a pleasantly flavorful touch, and a little added ham bouillon made the dish just a touch more porky.  The only shock was that the DONE button popped out four hours before we were ready to eat supper.  Surprising that the roast cooked so quickly in a crock pot.  In fact, not really trusting the button, I continued cooking the meat on low heat for the interim, and It still tasted great; not overcooked.  Then, we topped it all of with Breyer’s chocolate ice cream for dessert.  Yum.  Seriously.  YUM!  I’m already looking forward to the leftovers this weekend. 

12:00 PM: Bed time.  More tomorrow.  Good night.

Tom Hesley

Received Mail and Shipments

• Ad sheet for Windy Hill Furniture store.  They have great stuff and I’ve purchased from them before.  But we need not furniture at present.
• Balance transfer offer.
• Misc. medical insurance papers.
• Credit card offer from JC Penney.  Not at this time, thanks.
• Vehicle registration renewal forms from PennDOT.

Related Posts

• Laptop Shuts Off: 2010-07-15
• Today’s Diet: 2010-07-15
• Weight Loss: 2010