Tom's Diary

08:35 PM: I believe people pick WRONG because they think they’ll never find RIGHT. Big mistake. But then, that’s an easy error to make because it’s hard to know if you’ve picked wrong until you’ve already picked, since people hide their skeletons so well.

Further, once you discover the wrongness, it can be quite hard to pull away. That’s the trap of getting to know someone too well before deciding about their rightness. Once we develop compassion for their feelings, we often put our own needs aside, even when it’s so wrong to do so.

Tom Hesley

Related Posts

• Today’s Business: 2010-07-14

Today’s Activities

• Shower.  DONE.
• Cat duty.  DONE.

Log

09:45 AM: I’m up.

11:30 AM: Heard from [Mentat].  He’ll visit me for a couple days, starting this Thursday afternoon.

11:35 AM: [Tad] emailed me to request my presence in a teleconference call with some other board members and the account manager for the   WPSBC Alumni Association’s    investment account.  We must decide how to allocate our funds in light of the fact that our organization may survive for just another decade or so.

12:15 PM: [Jack] called to talk with [Emmy] and I.  So I chatted with him for an hour or so.

12:30 PM: Applied for a public listing in Attracta’s public web site directory service, in response to an email invitation from them to do so.    I submitted the   Tom’s Love Quest   blog.

02:45 PM: Watched today’s episode of    The Young and the Restless   on the DVR.

03:00 PM: Went to Sheetz for lunch; a   mini shopping trip.  I bought [Emmy] a steak wrap and myself a steak sub.  It was raining both to and from the store.

06:00 PM: Nephew Garrett and I just dropped   [Emmy]   off at the train.  She’s on her way back to Pittsburgh now.  But she’s coming back again this Sunday.

06:15 PM: Nap time.

08:00 PM: Nap’s over, and [Emmy]   just called to say that she’s now in Pittsburgh, awaiting her ride to the grocery store, and then on to her home. Thanks for coming, M.  I’ll talk to you soon.

11:00 PM: Facebooked a couple hours.  Liked numerous pages for rock bands, books I’ve read, and movies I’ve seen and enjoyed. Current friend count: 252.  Fans on my business page: 35 so far.

12:00 AM: Set up a profile on the Linked In web site to increase my visibility on the Internet.

12:40 AM: Well, I think I’m done here in the office for the night.  Now, I’ll probably go and watch a bit of news.  Then, I’m off to bed.  Have a great night and I’ll continue this story of my life tomorrow.  Take care.

Tom Hesley

Received Mail and Shipments

• Promo Only’s EADFF music series; the 2010-07-02 issue.
• Bill for the last order of Mom’s diabetic testing supplies.
• Analog Science Fiction magazine; the July & August, 2010 issue.
• Notice of insurance coverage for Mom’s diabetic shoes that she recently purchased.

Related Posts

• Shopping Trip: 2010-07-12
• Today’s Diet: 2010-07-12
• Weight Loss: 2010

Today’s Activities

• Shower.  DONE.
• Cat duty.  DONE.
• Pay all pending bills.  IN PROGRESS.

Log

08:30 AM: I’m up.  Looks like a much cooler day today, with high temperatures forecast to be in the 80s.   

09:00 AM: Heard from   [Mentat].  He was wondering if I’ve sent in my paperwork yet for the WPSBC Alumni Association convention in August.  I have not yet; shame on me.  But I’ll do that today when I pay the bills. 

11:15 AM: Sent out checks for three of the most immediately due bills just now.  I’ll get to the rest tomorrow, as we have to prepare to leave for another day of shopping in a little bit. 

11:30 AM: Leaving now for another   shopping trip,   to get the stuff that we could not fit in the car yesterday.  We’ll be back later.

04:00 PM: We’re back home once again from today’s   shopping trip.  I’ve put away all groceries and packed the meat we purchased into freezer bags and organized it in the freezer.  I so enjoy having a freezer full of food, and I’m forever thankful for being able to afford this treasure. 

06:00 PM: [Mentat] just sent me email.  He and his girlfriend are having problems, and it appears that at the moment, he will   not   be moving to Ohio to live with her this fall as originally planned this past winter.  He’s visiting here next week; at which time he’ll likely supply more details.  I hope they can work it out, as this relationship is probably the longest and most successful one he’s had, and thus, a breakup would be painful for them both.  But they may have to make too many deep compromises to continue however; perhaps too deep.   

07:30 PM: Watched   KDKA TV’s Local News   at 5:00 and 6:00 as well as   The CBS Evening News   at 7:00 PM. 

09:00 PM: [Emmy], while washing dishes in the kitchen sink found one of Mom’s used lancets.   Luckily, she did not jab herself with it.  Sometimes, I find them around the kitchen and occasionally on the floor.  I’ve implored Mom to be extra careful with them; particularly since [Emmy] has no vision and thus, could easily prick herself with one that has not been properly disposed of.  In fact, I scolded Mom tonight.  Her response: “Well it’s not like I meant to do it.”  Well, whether she meant to leave the lancet around or not doesn’t matter.   The fact is that these should NOT be left where others might injure themselves.  Aaaarrrrgggghhh!   I tell you, Mom’s carelessness in regards to this stuff is really getting irksome.  But I don’t know what we can do to get her to be more cautious with her testing supplies. 

11:00 PM: Watched today’s episode of   The Young and the Restless   on the DVR.

11:35 PM: Watched   KDKA TV’s Local News   at 11:00 PM.

01:15 AM: Watched Larry King’s 2010-06 interview with Dr. Jack Kevorkian on assisted suicides.  I believe that the law should support these acts of mercy. 

01:40 AM: Heading to bed.  So I’ll be back here tomorrow for more of this daily saga, called my life.    Take care.

Tom Hesley

Received Mail and Shipments

• Misc. banking papers.
• Notice of CPNI (Customer Proprietary Network Information) from Verizon Wireless.
• Notice from Mom’s medical insurance company of possibly upcoming co-payment bills from service providers. 
• Wheelchair rental bill.
• Electricity bill, which was $188.33 this month.  Yep, the heat is costing us. 

Related Posts

• Shopping Trip: 2010-07-09
• Today’s Diet: 2010-07-09
• Weight Loss: 2010

12:00 PM: I’ve been experiencing some problems with my Facebook account (perhaps newbe problems).  Anyway, I’ll look into turning that feature on.

Anyway, I’m sorry to hear about your father.  Mine passed away in 1997.  I help out with Mom too.  In fact, I moved in with her when I returned home from Philadelphia eight years ago. Now, I’m her butler / handyman / caregiver.  I like being close to my family again.  I’ll probably never leave.  Dorothy had it right: There really is no place like home.

I write mostly about my pursuit of true love, from a philosophical perspective.  As you probably remember, I spent a lot of time working that issue while in Ohio.  I thought my experiences and insights gained might help people in similar circumstances.  Check out my work if you like at:

http://tomslovequest.com/

I also keep a journal at:

http://tomsdiary.com/

where I detail my day-to-day life, the hurdles with caring for Mom, weight struggles, technical reviews of the electronic appliances I encounter, and everything else that I feel I’d enjoy writing about.  When something occurs that produces any sort of emotional response in me, I’ll usually document the experience there.

Finally, whenever I have a strong opinion, I write it down at:

http://tomsviews.com/

This site is my soapbox. 

I’m working on getting business pages set up here on Facebook and other social networking places.  Keeping busy, for sure.

Tom Hesley

—

04:17 PM: Cut the grass today; for the fifth time this year. Hot. So I’ll defer the weed whacking part until tomorrow. Rest.

05:35 PM: It occurs after years of dating, that perfect tens only stay that way for an instant. Then they become as human and flawed as the rest of us. Makes one wonder at the long-term advantage of a ten; particularly once the novelty fades. Once it does, they’re just like fives and sevens; and twos sometimes.

Tom Hesley

Related Posts

• Today’s Business: 2010-06-19

07:52 AM:   Sorry I just up and disappeared from this thread. Encountered Facebook account problems and had to start over.

08:07 AM: Sounds like a highly useful affirmation.

08:13 AM: Mindy, what happened to your Mom? I can’t find her on here anymore.

—–

08:42 AM: I’m wonderful, Don. Not much software engineering these days though. Instead, I’m a full-time writer, part-time DJ, part time computer technician, and I care for my mother. My health is great, life’s been highly educational the past several years, and I’m enjoying serving as butler and handyman for Mom and her property.

I’m thrilled to find so many ex coworkers here, and was tickled to see that you’re still around and looking well. Do you still wear those bright colored cover-all snow suits to work when it’s cold? Your signature outfit, and I liked it.

How are you? Your kids must all be grown by now, and you must be president of the company.

Oh, and speaking of coworkers: If you see Angela, would you say hi to her for me? We both played on the Tracker product team some ten years back. Sometimes, I get to missing all you folks, and often relish all the great memories. Those fun days seem like yesterday though they occurred long ago – sort of.

Anyway, great to hear from you, and stop by anytime.

Take care.

10:56 AM: Things are great. Just had problems with my old Facebook account. But I think I’m back in business. I hope all is well with you too.

01:12 PM: Inflation has hit our post secondary education system hard. People today pay more for a single year of college than I paid for my entire collegiate education 22 years ago.

01:14 PM: Hmmm. There’s nothing like a subliminal message.

03:15 PM: Break out the chainsaw…

10:15 PM: If a gift you bought for someone years ago but never gave it to him makes you sad, regift! I suppose though, that it depends on why it makes you sad. If it brings to mind very bad memories, then regift. But if it saddens you because it reminds you of good times that you no longer have but would like to keep remembering, then keep it. I dunno.

10:18 PM: Well, on the bright side: At least you’ll probably never make those sane mistakes again ’cause they hurt too much this time around. Remember the pain and the lessons learned from it too.

11:15 PM: Yep. You’re probably in for dark ride for a little while. But the tunnel does end and before too long, you’ll be back out in the sunshine again. Good night.

11:27 PM: It’s about time you profiled your face.

11:39 PM: Tom Hesley  wonders if Facebook booted him on Monday for posting links to writings on his blogs. The help docs do seem to forbid promoting one’s self professionally via a Facebook personal account; though he’s seen many others doing it. Still waiting to learn for sure what happened. But it’s been nearly four days with no word f…rom the Facebook team. So the world may never know.

11:41 PM: Yea, really. If I didn’t know you, I might have begun thinking you were a dog.

11:45 PM: You engaged, Carol?!?!? Congratulations!

11:48 PM: Yep, this is America alright. So get used to the broken English on calls to customer service departments. It’s cheaper for companies to pay operators abroad to take our calls than someone who speaks great English here in the states.

11:50 PM: Yes. I wish they’d get back to me, because I’d hate to inadvertently break rules and get deleted from Facebook again; it’s been a real pain re-establishing all my connections.

Tom Hesley

Related Posts

• Today’s Business: 2010-06-17

Today’s Activities

• Shower.  DONE.
• Cat duty.  DONE.
• Balance all checking accounts.   IN PROGRESS.

Log

09:00 AM: I’m up.

09:50 AM: Heard from [Emmy].  She’s at her dentist’s now, after having arrived a half hour early; she hates being late and so leaves her place to bus it there earlier than perhaps is necessary.  But that Negley bus is often so crowded and the route it travels is so traffic-laden, that it’s hard to predict just how long a particular trip will take.  So she heads out early; just to be safe.

11:00 AM: Nephew Garrett arrived a little while ago to drive Mom to an eye specialist in Johnstown, PA. Apparently, her right eye has developed some issues; though I have no details on Mom’s specific concerns yet.

12:00 PM:  Added more linkage in the   Tom’s Love Quest   blog.  The Goal: All posts need a ‘Related Posts’ section that lists links to other similar or relevant content in that blog.

01:40 PM: Worked the   Facebook Suspension: 2010-06-15    resolution.

03:00 PM: Watched today’s episode of   The Young and the Restless   on the DVR.

03:15 PM: Nap time.

05:00 PM: I’m back up.

07:10 PM: Just walked down to the pavilion and nibbled a few ripe mulberries.  They’re moderately sweet this year; though I’ve seen sweeter back in 2008.  There are still many more to come that at this moment are still very green.  So we’ve not yet seen them peak this year yet.

08:10 PM: Just finished blogging and accounting for all pending shopping receipts.  See the shopping trip posts   here.  Now, I can finally balance the checking accounts. 

08:40 PM: Watched President Obama’s speech about all the government is doing to recover the gulf region from the oil spill.  I’m satisfied that he’s doing what’s reasonable to move things along down there and to provide ample pressure to BP, so they compensate the people who lost their business incomes along those shores.

08:50 PM: Gathered up and took out the garbage; it’s garbage night.  You know? 

09:50 PM: Talked with [Emmy] on the phone for an hour.  Didn’t discuss much, really.  Sometimes, it’s just nice to know that some one’s on the other end of the line; even when they’re not saying much.

11:40 PM: Watched tonight’s episode of   NBC’s Nightly News   on the DVR.

12:15 AM: Headed to bed. So have a great night, and I’ll write again soon.  Take care.

Tom Hesley

Received Mail and Shipments

• Weekly coupon mailer.
• Notice of new minimum payment calculation terms on one of Mom’s credit cards.

Related Posts

• Diary Revisions: 2010-06-15
• Facebook Suspension: 2010-06-15
• Mom’s Status: 2010-06-15
• Today’s Diet: 2010-06-14
• Tom’s Love Quest –> Coping With The Ultimate Rejection
• Weight Loss: 2010

Today’s Activities

• Shower.  DONE.
• Cat duty.   DONE.

Log

07:00 AM: I’m up.

07:05 AM: Read some of the   Happiness Now   book overnight.

09:35 AM: Upgraded to Avast antivirus software, version 5.0.545 and the DynDNS updater, version 4.1.6.

09:45 PM: Signed [Emmy] and myself up to be notified vie email when Verizon FiOS comes to our respective areas.

10:10 AM: Facebooked for a half-hour.  Up to 110 friends now.  Goal: 1000.

11:20 AM: My weight held steady again since yesterday.  It’s still 176.5 Lbs.  See   here   for a summary of the progress on this goal so far in 2010.

Tom Hesley

Received Mail and Shipments

• Notice from Mom’s bank that her medical insurance company has the wrong account information for her checking account.
• Life insurance offer from AARP.  No thanks.

Related Posts

• Audio Journal Info Page
• Book: Happiness Now
• Diary Revisions: 2010-05-07
• Facebook Tid Bits: 2010-02-05
• Facebook Tid Bits: 2010-05-06
• Facebook Tid Bits: 2010-05-07
• Site Stats: 2010-05-07
• Today’s Diet: 2010-05-07
• Updating Brandon: 2010-05-07
• Weight Loss: 2010

Hey. I’m so glad to be back in touch with you.

Yes, one big reason I left [the company] was that they seemed to lose interest in pursuing employee home-basing a couple years after I started it. So getting the level of infrastructure support I needed became more difficult. Plus, being home-based effectively dead-ended my career; my last year with them, I got no raise, and my last boss suggested that if I wanted to get my advancement back on track, that I’d need to return to Ohio. Couldn’t do that, as I’d moved in with Mom by then, and really enjoyed living here in my home town again. Nope. There’s no place like home. Managers got frustrated with having to deal with me over the phone so much, and as you probably know, I was thought of none too highly by Release Coordinatation and Software Support (I didn’t think much of them either). So many hardships and tough choices all converged on me in March of 2003 that I had no idea how to deal with. Thus, I just had to get out.

I’ve been a writer for the past eight years, and began blogging my work fourteen months ago. The bandwidth on my blogs is inching upward (5.5 GB / month at present), and so far, I’ve earned $10 from them. J Hopefully though, that will pick up as I post more pieces, more people learn about me, and I better optimize the blogs for search engines.

I suspected you were gay but never felt comfortable asking you about it. However, now that you’ve come forward, for whatever it’s worth, I support you fully, and I’m truly glad that you’ve come out. I did peak at your pictures; you’re much more “smiley” these days. Not that you appeared sad when we ran around together. But you certainly look happier in your present life, and I’m so happy for you now that you’re no longer in the closet. Just be careful who you tell though; there are some real jerks still lurking around out there, and I would never want to see any harm come to you.

I want you to know that I’ve never forgotten how kind and supportive you were to me when we lived together, and throughout my entire sojourn in Ohio. You made the Dayton years possible for me. But eventually though, my vision got in the way too much at work, the higher up the ladder I went. This would not have occurred however, if all the employees there would have been as helpful and understanding as you. If they had, I’d have made president of the company by now. J But eventually, it became clear that due to my home based status and my low vision, I’d hit a sort of glass ceiling there, and found that I simply could not continue working like that. So, I resigned, without a new job to go to. Thank goodness I was eligible for Social Security Disability Income. I do DJ work several times a year, and I have around 68,000 music and radio show recordings on the computer these days, that I play at the gigs. I also perform PC upgrades for the locals (one or two computers a month I work on). But though my income is only a third of what it was as a full-time software engineer, I am much happier myself these days. Leaving was the best decision I ever made.

Sorry about your Mom. Though your work might have suffered, you did the right thing by caring for her as much as she needed. It’s unfortunate that your boss wasn’t more compassionate. But now, you have a clear conscience as well as all those great memories of her, which will enrich the rest of your life. She took care of you growing up, and you took care of her, growing down. That’s as it should be, though our duties in this capitalistic society often make living that way difficult, as you found out at work.

You seem healthy. That’s good. I’m still doing well; though I developed an enlarged thyroid gland in 2002 (probably from the stresses at work J), and I’ve battled high cholesterol too. Otherwise though, I feel great. No girlfriends, but I do hang out with a very special woman from Pittsburgh; we get together once every couple months for a week or two at a time. She’s a lot of fun.

Well, to avoid the risk of this turning into a novel, I’ll close for now. Take care and write more when you so desire. Take care.

Tom Hesley

Related Posts

• Good-Bye Software Engineering Job
• Today’s Business: 2010-05-07
• Today’s Business: 2010-05-08

Today’s Activities

• Shower.  DONE.
• Cat duty. DONE.
• Pay all (4) pending bills.  IN PROGRESS.
• Set up automatic monthly bill payments for Mom’s medical insurance premiums.  IN PROGRESS.

Log

08:15 AM: I’m up. My weight did not change from yesterday.  It’s still 173.5 Lbs.    See   here   for a summary of the progress on this goal so far in 2010.

08:50 AM: Put a pork roast in the crock pot for supper tonight; should be done by 5:30 PM or so.  I’ll put the seasoning packet in at 4:30 PM. 

10:05 AM: Created audio journal episode:  AJE-2010-03-30-09-07.

10:17 AM: Posted the   Shopping Trip: 2010-02-17   piece, based on grocery receipts from that outing.

10:50 AM: Posted the   Shopping Trip: 2010-03-26   piece.  This is the outing that [Mentat] accompanied Mom, Debbie, and myself on.

12:28 PM: To the   Tom’s Love Quest   blog, I added a   Shallowness   category.  There, I placed posts where I deal with that all-too-common accusatory and hostilely disparaging refrain: Men are shallow and superficial if they seek women they find sexually desirable.  I do mean to write more on this, as this theme has recurred often throughout my own quest for true love. 

03:20 PM: Created audio journal episode:  AJE-2010-03-30-14-59.

05:30 PM: Watched the 2010-02-14 and 2010-02-21 episodes of   NBC’s Meet The Press  news show on the DVR.  Nap time.

06:30 PM: I’m up again.

07:30 PM: Watched today’s episode of   The Young and the Restless.

09:00 PM: Worked on the upcoming   My First Pillow Kiss   essay. 

10:00 PM: Talked with [Emmy] on the phone.

10:45 PM: Watched a bit of   CNN’s AC 360, which covered some scandalous allegations of violence at the top levels of the church of Scientology. 

01:30 AM: Posted the   My First Pillow Kiss   piece to the   Tom’s Love Quest   blog.

01:35 AM: Heading to bed now.  Catch you tomorrow.  Good night.

Tom

Received Mail and Shipments

• Weekly coupon mailer.
• Cable + Internet + Telephone bill (all in one now).
• Solicitation for Highmark’s  Health Partner  program, where you sign up to have a “buddy” to help you strive for your health goals.  Not at this time, thanks. 
• Mom’s PIN for finishing registration on her medical insurance company’s web site. 

Related Posts

• Audio Journal Info Page
• Book: Classics For Pleasure
• Common Cold: 2010-03
• Shopping Trip: 2010-02-17
• Shopping Trip: 2010-03-26
• Today’s Diet: 2010-03-30
• Tom’s Love Quest –> My First Pillow Kiss
• Weight Loss: 2010

Yesterday upon his arrival here for a weekend visit, [Memtat] informed me that he may move away again in the next six to nine months; this time to be with his girlfriend of several years now.   The news stung a little because he’s probably the closest male friend I have, and best friends don’t come easily to me.  It seems like just last week, that he returned home from California.  Actually he came back at the end of 2007.  Since then, he’s established a nice residence and has managed to acquire some nice furniture. 

But his lady wants him to live with her in Ohio now, and they’ve both determined that it would be easier for him to move there than for her to come here.  She doesn’t want to sell her house because she probably could not afford a comparably-sized dwelling here.  So she’d need to throw away or sell off many cherished possessions.  I’ve been through that myself, when I returned to Pennsylvania from Ohio in 1997, and so can appreciate her dilemma. 

On the other hand, [Memtat] is far more agile in this way, as he owns far less than does she, and so, it would make more sense for him to relocate to her place, as he’ll be able to move without pitching anything, or at worst, just a very small amount — perhaps a bed and dresser.  Thus, moving there would cost the two of them much less money than for her to relocate here. 

I understand his rationale.  He does really seem to love her and he’s tired of busing it out there several times a year, not to mention being away from her so much of the time besides. I’m happy that he’s found someone like that, and a bit envious too because five years ago, he and I debated over how a guy needs a true love in order to be truly happy.  Ironically, he argued that he could get along without such a woman, and in fact, he was  striving at that time to rid himself of his carnal woman-lusts and yearnings. I told him though that I didn’t think that I could ever learn to be completely happy alone.  In fact, I found the whole idea of attempting to “program away” one’s inborn desires for the opposite sex, to be repugnant and a monumental waste of time. 

But, today, nature, destiny, and love have turned him around, and he now enjoys the very sort of person that I argued back then that most of us need. He agrees with me now, he’s found her in fact, and I am truly happy for him.  Any objections I might have to his leaving are purely selfish ones.  I had hope upon his return to Tyrone that he and I might develop our friendship more, and spend more time together than we have.  But his romance was just getting started then, and with him spending so much sojourning in her city, he and I never got to hang out nearly as much as I would have liked.  And now, he’s becoming long-distance once again besides, though he assures me that I’ll probably see him more once he lives with her, because he’ll come back here for visits more frequently than he did while living in Pasadena. 

I hope that’s true because he’s one of the few people that gets nearly every position I’ve shared with him.  Further, while he may not agree with all I say, he relentlessly endeavors to understand and appreciate the grains of truth in my words, though there may be very few of these at times, I admit.  For me, it easy to see the truth in his arguments as he expresses them so simply and thus, so well.  He’s quite knowledgable and so I need explain very little to him in our talks to bring him up to speed, and our intellectual discussions never degenerate into personal judgements and acrimony.  Through some at times painful personal growth in each of us, our friendship has matured over the past four decades to the highly pleasing association that it is today. 

No, we weren’t always this congenial.  But we’ve learned how to do it through the years, and with some cost.  We have a fair amount invested in this thing.  So the thought of losing him to long distance saddens me a little.  Indeed, though we only see each other once every six months on average, I’ll keenly miss this long-time friend when he goes.  I’m sorry that he’s leaving.  But I’ll be happy for him, though sad for myself. Hopefully, we’ll stay in touch.

Tom Hesley

Related Posts

• Today’s Business: 2010-03-27